finding pam

Sister...

2012-02-05T11:17:00.003-06:00

Sorry about publishing this without the post.

This week, I took Candy back to the doctor for her one month post check up. I ask the doctor a few questions and also busted her.

Candy is now at day 54 of no smoking. The doctor applauds her.

Coyly... she ask if she can exercise and the doc says you should have been walking for 30 to 50 minutes a day, five days a week. Really?

Duh...I've been telling her that for a month. It's in her post surgery notes from her doctor. Candy acts so surprised. It is just so hard to get her up and going in the morning, in the day time and at night.

You know she is a Gemini and I am learning some truths about her. Here are some of her excuses.

Candy, does the doctor want you to stop diet drinks? "It's OK." The doctor says "No."
Candy, does the doctor want you to stay in bed all day? "But, I don't feel good."
Candy, does the doctor want you to eat a heart healthy diet? "Well...I suppose."
Candy, does the doctor want you to stay up all night? "I can't help that I don't sleep"

I ask the doctor to get her a dietitian to help her with her food and portion sizes. He orders it. Driving home... I told her no more waiting on her. If she really needed it I would still help her because that is who I am.

I know I have had excuses in the past, and I know we all have done the same thing. But I hope she does take this time to better herself and not fall into her old patterns of helplessness.

Tomorrow, I am driving her home for a few days so she can attend her granddaughter's birthday.
I know that will inspire her. Yeah! I get a few days to myself. Believe me I need it. We been running through different scenarios and how she should respond to them in regards to her DIL.
I hope the DIL behaves.

I realize there are givers and takers in this World... even with sisters. I am going with her to her therapist tomorrow. Should I speak up or keep my big mouth shut? As frustrated as I am I don't want to hurt her in any way. I've been so outspoken. She reminds me of our mother. I wonder how we both came from the same mother. All I can say...is...that it is what it is...and I'm OK with it.

I'm still here and I'm venting...

2012-01-29T10:58:00.004-06:00

We are going on forty-three days taking care of Candy. It has been a challenge. Sometimes this feels like a life sentence and I don't like myself for being so selfish. I honestly don't see an end to this. She can't remember what day of the week it is or conversations we have already had. She can't take care of herself. She has lots of accidents and spills things on my furniture and carpet. Four times, I have ask her not to take cran-grape juice to her bedroom and four times she has spilled it on the carpet and the bed.

She is in a lot of pain from her back. She moans and groans so much that I am about to loose it. I finally told her that making all that noise doesn't help her feel any better. Is she the only one in pain? I think not, but I don't complain about my pain.

We've lost all privacy. No more quite times in our home. Constant chattering. She talks incessantly to us, our cats, the dog and her cat. While I feel like she is the selfish one and not me, I'm sure I am the selfish one. My patience is limited. I am stuck in a place that I don't like to be and I see no end in sight. I am constantly apologizing for my bad behavior. I don't want to be this person, but sadly I am. We (Hubs and I ) live a solitary life without much drama or chaos. I know I'm going to miss this when she is gone?

The plans for her future are long and drawn out. She is a hoarder. In the last twenty years, I have helped her purge and clean her home so many times that I can't even remember. I'm just the opposite. Clutter makes me crazy. One of the differences Candy pointed out between us. According to her, I am OCD and super organized, while she says she is a free spirit and unorganized. There may be some truth to this. Sadly, I know this will take months for us to clean up her home. I am dreading it.

She acts like a four old with no breakers on her impulsiveness. If she wants it she gets it. She tells me that she is a grown woman, and I tell her to act like it then. I feel that her life style has put her in this situation. How's that working for you, sis? Sadly, I'm afraid that she will not make the changes she needs to make. Only time will tell.

I am sure that I drive her crazy as well. I am thankful I'm able to care for her, but inside I am feeling some resentment. Good grief! Why am I acting this way? Her comments painfully remind me of our childhood. I feel that she thinks she is superior to me. I feel that I have out grown her shadow. She is trying to put me back in that shadow. Folks...I'm not going back there. Do older sisters do that to the younger sister?

Sister has other problems and I feel small for complaing. We go to the doctor Feb. 1st. I hope to get some answers to my questions. So many things I don't understand about her bi-polar illness. What is causing the memory loss? I wonder if that has a lot to do with it? Well...there I've finished my rant. I hope today will be better. Please excuse me today as I have had it.

I'm still here..

2012-01-16T08:49:00.002-06:00

Just a note to say hi and to let you know that I am still here. It has been over a month now that Candy had her heart attack and her first stent. Two weeks since her second stent and getting out of the hospital. I'm not sure what she should be able to do as far as exercise or physical activity.

Yesterday, we went to Michael's and Target. She slowly walked behind her cart. I can't get her to do any exercise at home so the next best thing is to go shopping. I curled her hair, she put on make up, and looked very nice. I know that made her feel better. I told her that if she became tired I would take her back to my home. We had a good time.

I think she over did it, but today she can rest. Most heart attacks patients are up and doing physical therapy immediately. I am worried because she is tired and stays in bed a lot. To give her a change, we are making wreaths right now. Everyday I try to let her do a little more on her on. I am worried about her memory because she can't remember anything. She keeps forgetting where she has placed her phone and medicines.

Any advice from you would be helpful. Candy returns to the doctor Feb. 1st. for her check up. I have a list of questions to ask. I thought we had everything lined out before her last visit to the doctor. I think she is so afraid she will have another attack. Her fear maybe what is holding her back. Please keep her in your prayers and send good thoughts her way.

Candy

2012-01-05T14:38:00.003-06:00

New Year's, Day early in the am,we called an ambulance for my sister and we spent the next 6 1/2 hours in the E.R. She was admitted that afternoon after a room was available. The doctors did another stent on her the next day and she went home the day after. Technology is amazing.

She looks and feels great. She has to rest for the next four days and then little by little get to moving. I was stressed out completely. I have another sinus infection. Now I know why I felt so bad.

I can't thank God enough for saving her life and of course those amazing doctors.
Maybe my life will settle down for a while.

My sister...

2012-01-02T06:58:00.005-06:00

I don't have much time to post because my sister, Candy, is back in the hospital. Yesterday morning she woke up with pain going down her right arm, chest pain, and was nauseous. Not the way I like to start my day. Candy is doing too much and needs to rest more.

We live deep in the country. GPS can't locate us. People usually meet the ambulance at a local truck stop. Luckily, the ambulance came to our home. I am not good in any emergency. I guess a lot of this has to do with all the trauma in my childhood with my mother and her heart attack problems.

I feel dizzy and lightheaded while trying to find the phone numbers. I give Candy a whole aspirin. The medics say to give her another aspirin and she needs to chew it up immediately. All I can do is to start praying for her and for myself as well. I have to keep it together. Do you know how much energy it takes to keep it together? It takes about an hour to get her to the hospital. I don't know why the type has changed on me. I press the italics button, but nothing changes. I am not even sure if I am making sense today. Did you ever read the book "Waiting For Godot"? It is all about waiting, but I find I'm not as good at waiting as I thought. You see last week I had two crowns done. Since then, my teeth and jaw have hurt with a lot of pain and throbbing. I can't think of anything but this awful tooth pain.

I leave her about three in the afternoon because the doctors are keeping her. Today she will find out if they are doing the other two stents or not. Candy wants them done now. I'm not sure what they doctors will do. I'll let you know more when I find out. I am exhausted from all of the drama that has gone on with her DIL and her heart attack and now admission again to the hospital. I appreciate all of your thoughts and prayers.

On another note, I did apologize to Candy's daughter n law. I could not leave things the way they were. I did that four days ago. It made me feel so much better. I have not heard from her DIL. It doesn't matter because I made the first step and I feel OK with it. I'm still trying to breath and keep it all together, but those memories of my mother keep getting in my way.

I'll keep you posted when I know more.

Happy New Year

2011-12-31T08:53:00.003-06:00

Well...so it is here. New Year's Eve...

I'm not going to make any New Year's resoultions. Rather...I am going to continue last year's goals.

1. Continue working on me.

2. Eat healthier.

3. Exercise more.

4. Study my Bible.

5. Organize my house, again.

6. Take the high road and the road less traveled in all situations.

7. Continue therapy.

I think that is plenty. Don't you?

Happy New Year to everybody and may 2012 be better than last year.

Not what I expected of my nephew...

2011-12-26T11:41:00.009-06:00

I have to tell you about my sister's daughter n law. She is a piece of work. Selfish to the core. There I've said it. I don't even know where to begin this story, but here goes. I will call her DIL from now on in this story.

Candy's DIL was suppose to meet us at a designated spot for her to take Candy back to their home for Christmas. It was last Friday when we met. I took Candy with me to exercise and was going to meet said DIL at designated place. DIL didn't want to drive in big city with her kids. I understand completely. She was afraid she would get lost. Well, guess what? Candy and I got lost. Candy's DIL was so angry with me. She was angry with me for not adjusting my schedule? What? I could not believe she said that to me especially since I have been taking care of Candy since she arrived in Shreveport, La.

Candy's son promised to come to my house to pick her up, but the night before her son called me asking me to go further than agreed to meet DIL. I had to say no as I have not been feeling well. Still they kept trying to change the location on me. They did not come to Shreveport, La. to the hospital she was admitted or when the doctors did the stent on her. Instead they had to celebrate with their church friends. I couldn't believe it. That is his mother. What is wrong with him. He did call an ambulance for her in Monroe, and went to the hospital to see her. Even DIL went briefly because it was close.

What gives them the right to verbally attack me for not adjusting my schedule to theirs? Any way, we were late arriving to the said location. When I got out of the truck, I said something about being late and she started verbally attacking me. Saying that she had to be with her two kids( ages 6 and 4) and that they were fighting and unruly. I ignore her. I can't help that she lets her kids run wild and never corrects bad behaviour.

I start unpacking my sister's suitcases, I tell her we were lost and she says she doesn't care. She hates her MIL(my sister) and starts in again yelling at me about her? I'm thinking that she might hit me. I could not control my temper and I told her to shut up. I am thinking she is going to hit me. I'm telling myself that if she hits me, not to hit her back. Instead, I will call the police if she does hit me. I tell her to stop acting like a #itch. She says don't call her that in front of her kids. We were outside and I know the kids didn't hear me.

I get my sister in their van and try to apologise to her for calling her a bad name. She starts in again talking hate about my sister. I finally have had enough and say that I'm done. She is still yelling. I hug my sister and get in my truck. She almost backed out into another car. It was so scary and I start praying for her, my sister and the kids for a safe journey back to Monroe, La.

Candy's son does any and everything for DIL's family and nothing for my sister. It galls me that DIL has poisoned him with her selfish needs. One of our sons came on the day she was released on Saturday from the hospital. Where was her son? Where was the DIL? No where to be found. I could not have made it with out our son helping me. Candy was so weak. I am thankful to God that she survived her heart attack.

By Sunday, my sister was ready to leave her son's house because of all of the fighting between the two. Neither one of them took care of her. She had to cook her own supper one night. She called a friend to come and get her to take her to her home. Candy left her phone charger and her son is supposed to bring it to her. He lives less than thirty minutes from her and never goes to see her.

I am still so very angry at them both. I realize that they will never change. I wish my sister would come live with us. I know how much she loves her son and those grandkids. She never says anything against her DIL. I'm gonna have to ask the Lord to forgive me for my unkind attitude. There I've spoken my peace.

My sister, Candy

2011-12-20T20:23:00.003-06:00

Just a quick note to let you know that my sister, Candy, had a massive heart attack a week ago tonight. Her main artery was 90% blocked. They put a stint in her and in a month she will have to return for two more stints. She is at home with me right now until Friday when her son will take her to their house for Christmas. Please keep her in your prayers.

I will probably be out of touch for a while.

Merry Christmas to all and I will see you in the New Year.
Pam

City of Stars

2011-12-09T11:10:00.003-06:00

While this might seem strange to some of you not familiar with oil wells, in my former town, oil was the way most people made their living. Oil is king here. This is one of my favorite views of Kilgore, TX. It reminds me of a string of colored lifesavers on the tops of the wells. It is a long honored tradition that I adore. I never tire of this view. I miss the sense of community where I live now. I appreciate small towns and the friendships that I made while living there. May you enjoy the slide show.

I'm never really alone

2011-12-03T15:40:00.005-06:00

Bruno, my silly cat, thinks he is helping me. Right, Bruno? Cat you know I love you?

You know my motto about being sick. It takes three days to get, three days to have it and three days to get over. That is just what I've been doing. I got sick Thanksgiving night with what I thought was allergies. Then the sore throat, stuffy head and drip, drip, drip down the back of my throat. I hate being sick. I took it easy on Friday, Sat, Sunday and even Monday or at least until the sore throat went away. I started back to exercise on Wed. It wasn't too bad, but the next day I think I was worse.

Trust me on this...

Don't take the one on the left.

Coughing and coughing and I couldn't sleep with all of that coughing. Friday I buy some diabetic tussin which is sugar free and alcohol free and a bottle of Delsym night time relief, which my wonderful SIL recommended.

A word of warning...never take the Diabetic Tussin because that stuff was the nastiest stuff I have ever taken. It took my breath away. It reminded me of the medicine my grandmother use to give us as children. I'm not sure why it tasted so strong or bad.

Thankfully, I had purchased Delsym, too.
If I'm not completely well, I have a well check with my family doctor on Tuesday.

It's officially over with the posting of the official Thanksgiving photo of our family.

2011-11-25T10:26:00.006-06:00

These three are working for food from Jane. Such beggars. I think she spoiled them. LOL!

While we had more animals than this...these three are the social critters. I can't believe that Bruno, our cat stayed out in the crowed all day. The other two cats stayed in the bedroom.

This amazing woman is my SIL and she does most of the work on Thanksgiving Day. I don't know what I would do without Jane. I love her so much.

The official family picture. We were missing eight family members this year. I don't know where we would have put them.

I had a great time this year because a certain BIL behaved himself. I hope all of you had a great day as well.

Great Thanks Challenge

2011-11-24T00:01:00.000-06:00

One of Webster’s official definitions of thanksgiving is: “a public acknowledgment or celebration of divine goodness.”

The truly thankful person is a truly peaceful person. They have made a habit no matter what to notice, pause, and choose. Noticing something for which to be thankful no matter what circumstance they’re in.

Pausing to acknowledge this something as a reminder of God’s presence.
Choosing to focus on God’s presence until His powerful peace is unleashed.

How will you celebrate God’s divine goodness today.

It is finally here...

2011-11-21T17:03:00.005-06:00

Oops...I pressed the wrong button again. I have now lost my post. Guess I'm having a brain freeze. I am having a time getting my pics to load. I'll be back later.

I'm back and I am going to try to add a picture of this neat little snack mix that I made for the holidays. I found this recipe on Pinterest. You make the Santa hats from caramel flavored bugles, drop into red melted disks, then let dry. Then dip into little beads and add a marshmallow for the hat. To make the rest of the mix add peanuts, pretzels, nuts, craisens, M&M's, rice chex cereal, melted almond bark and mix together and you have this yummy Santa snack mix.

I am excited that the week is here...finally here and I can start chopping, slicing,dicing, cooking and baking. It has been a while since I was this excited about Thanksgiving.

It is finally here...

2011-11-21T17:03:00.001-06:00

2011 Giving Thanks Challenge~Wild Turkeys

2011-11-17T08:18:00.006-06:00

This is my third year to participate in the 2011 Giving Thanks Challenge. It is graciously hosted by Leah at http://leah%20at%20south%20breeze%20farm/. It's a good time to set my priorities in order and to give thanks for things in my life. I always feel renewed and refreshed after reading the other post. I come away more grateful and less selfish, less self-involved. I thank Leah for reminding us what is important in our daily lives.

I don't know if any of you watch PBS, in particular, a story on wild turkeys? I love PBS and I enjoy watching Nature. View the story here... http://nature~%20wild%20turkeys/ http://http//www.org/wnet/nature/episodes/my-life-as-a-turkey/introduction/7268/ This naturalist raised wild turkey from eggs. He became a turkey parent to these little hatchling. He viewed the World through the eyes of a turkey. I know, I can hear you saying "What in the World are you talking about?"

My husband and I enjoy nature and especially PBS. Excited to share, I ran into the other room to tell him about this show. Not sure if he would watch it, at least I told him about it. It's funny how things affect me differently from him. Sure the story sounded sort of corny, but it touched my heart. Hubs reaction was different from mine. I quizzed him about the show to see if he watched it. He likes to give me grief about my emotions sometimes. Of course, he is just as emotional as I am. The show reminded me about the time we raised mocking bird babies, and the time we raised orphaned squirrels.

While the show was most enjoyable, what I came away from this show was how important it is to live in the present. An animal that has to live in the wild without protection and has predators, instinctively knows how to live in the moment. In fact, that is all that really matters. Interesting point. A wild turkey doesn't live in the past nor the future. It survives in the moment.

Living from the perspective of a wild turkey opened this man's eye to a view that one rarely catches. Walking in the Florida woods with the turkeys, he became one with nature. The author states that he rarely saw snakes or other wild animals before his walk with nature. Maybe it was his awareness or lack there of, or perhaps, traveling with the wild turkeys opened his eyes. Other animals had no fear of the birds or the man. It was fun to see the joyful interaction between between squirrels and fawns and these big birds. Nature always teaches things, a hightened sense of alert for dangereous creatures like snakes and a predatory hunt for grasshoppers and crickets.

Any way the point I am trying to make is this...is there something we could learn from animals? I think it's obvious. Wild animals don't bother other creatures. They co-exist with one another. While they do interact, they don't go out of their way to harm others. Everything has a reason, an order, a purpose. I imagine a World where there is more tolerence in the human race.

We could learn a valuable lesson in life. Live outside of yourself. Don't worry about the past or the future. Be ever present in the moment.

Autumn Days

2011-11-05T17:05:00.013-05:00

The clock is ticking away for soon Autumn will be here. Every year it flies by too fast. No matter how much I try to make it last, it's over in a flash. Don't you agree?

I am so happy that Autumn has finally arrived. Did I tell you how much I love this season?

I love all things Autumn. After the incredibly hot summer we endured, I gladly welcome fall with open arms. I like to decorate around my house. It is a grand respite.

Few things excite me more than a crisp Autumn day. The colors of the falling leaves are so vibrant that I feel so very alive right now. Nothing cheers my spirit more than a walk outside to see the leaves turning. Here at our home, we love all things in Autumn.

It is an ever so quick fade of colors from greens to yellow ochre to burnt oranges to intensely colored reds, then deep mahogany reds richly dressed to their splendor. So I try to take it all in as best as my senses will allow me. I feel like inhaling all of the colors, to store them for a rainy day, deep in the recesses of my mind, to recall on a cold winter's day. That's when I'll recall from memory the breath taking hues of fall. Can you tell how much I love fall?

I am like a little kid at fall. I want to jump in the leaves and roll around. I want to roast marsh mellows outside, burn the pile of felled trees ( we still have a burn ban in effect).

It doesn't get any better than walking on a trail during a sunny day. Soak it up, enjoy the day because it will be gone all too fast. Can you tell I am excited?
I look forward to the swell of hungry family that comes to our home at Thanksgiving. We have hosted it every year. Wafting, glorious smells of pumpkin, turkey and dressing, and spiced cider. Sometimes, I don't think I can do it one more time, but then by the time fall comes around, I am eager to get started. I love it when the little kids like to take me on a Nature walk. We collect leaves, you are not surprised are you? In times past, I was always the first one to help the kids make those neat leaf place mats. This year, we only have one little one that might enjoy it besides me. Time seems so short in the fall and I sense an urgency to tend to all that I can before the dreary, cold days of Winter edge their way in to our beings. I love fall so much that I take too many photos of the trees baring all their beauty. Did I tell you that I also pick the fall leaves? I know it is sad, but I can't get enough of fall. I arranged those chosen leaves on my oak table then I took pictures of them. Something about the way the light hits them. Something about the intensity of the rays of sunshine this time of year. It's magical, it's intoxicating, it's effortless on the part of Mother Nature. It is abundance at its best. I breathe it in to save for future days ahead. Perhaps this Winter, I will start painting the memories in my head of Autumn.

For those of you that read my blog, I was not going to host it again this year, but after much thinking and pondering about it, I said yes. So I'm excited and it is going to be the best Thanksgiving yet.

Dona Nobs Pacem

2011-11-04T00:01:00.004-05:00

I watched the memorial dedication for the people that were killed on 9/11. It is hard to imagine that any one could harbor such hate for America that they would plot our demise. What I saw today reaffirmed my faith. We will not be beat by any one or any thing. I see strength in the faces of those survivors. No matter how hard the enemy tries, they can't take away who we are, and our freedom.

The common thread is love. I see several generations healing together. Grand mothers and grand fathers helping their families heal from this horrible act of violence, adults helping their children. In return, I see those little children healing from the love of their families and community. I know we are going to be OK because we are strong and because we live in a nation where when something tragic happens everyone unites together to help one another. I've seen it over and over in the face of adversity and tragedy. It is who we are. It is what separates us from those that would want to hurt us.

I pray that no enemy harms us ever again. I pray that we will all be safe. I pray for our heroes that gave their lives that morning to rescue others. I pray for the survivors, those rescue workers that can't get those horrible images out of their heads. I can't imagine what they saw, or felt that day and the following months. They are amazing. They sacrificed themselves to clear and rebuild the World Trade Center and the amazing memorial areas. Their lives will never be the same again.

I am so thankful that America does not have evil in their hearts, but compassion for our fellow man. I don't want to live in any other place in the World, especially, where there is no value of life.

Peace Globes~ Dona Nobis Pacem

2011-11-03T08:54:00.006-05:00

Tomorrow, Nov. 4, 2011, is the annnual Peace Globe launch . This is my fourth year to join Mimi in her quest for World Peace. Please go to her blog and check out her amazing launch for Peace. You won't be disappointed when you start reading all of the Peace Globes. On this day, Peace Globes fly through out the internet. May Peace flow through out the World.

Thank you, Mimi, for all you do in the name of Peace.

http://mimiwrites.blogspot.com/

2011-10-29T10:00:00.005-05:00

INNER PEACE CREATES WORLD PEACE.You get world peace through inner peace. If you...'ve got a world of people who have inner peace, then you have a peaceful world.

DR. WAYNE W. DYER

Ali and her Dad

2011-10-11T08:47:00.011-05:00

You can see that Autumn has not fully arrived in east Texas. This is the first real sign of turning leaves. Some of the trees turned, but not in color. The leaves are brown from the lack of water and the super hot temps.

Bj finally took all of the stuff I have wanted to give them. I gave my DIL my Christmas dishes and some crystal that I am not using. Ali and her Dad are lovers of stuff. It amazes me what they like. Ali took some things that belonged to her Dad as a kid. His old lunch box, a conch shell that belonged to his grandmother, old books, her Dad's high school letter jacket.

They filled up their trailer that they left here last April when they moved to Alabama. I passed along some of his Christmas ornaments and an hand made Nativity set, old record albums, and a lawn set.
It is nice to have the closet almost empty. I keep very little of my own stuff cause I don't like clutter. Now I will finish working on the rest of the closets. If I could just get our youngest son, Hunter, to take his stuff. Maybe in a few years. Ha. Ha.

I discovered that Ali and I like to draw. I told her that when she comes to visit next summer that we will take some classes. She also wants to learn how to sew. There's not much to do in the country, but I think we'll manage.

My little grand daughter, Ali and her Dad came to see us this past weekend.

It was nice to visit with them. I missed seeing my DIL and the boys.

Maybe, at Thanksgiving I will see them.

BJ (our oldest son) acting silly and Ali

Ali and grammie

Ali and her Dad

Ali and Grammie

Abuse of horses

2011-10-02T12:53:00.011-05:00

Lucy Lu
2011

Note: these pictures might not be suitable to view

below
Charley( the brown appaloosa) and Hershey( the grey appaloosa)

2011

This is the paddock where the horses are living
2011
See the metal on the ground?

A cut on Lucy Lu's foot from the metal in the paddock

You can see Charley's rump area looks bad. There is muscle loss in his hind quarters.

He drags his leg now

2011

Not a safe place for these horses. See them in the back ground of the carport?

Ribs showing even after finally eating some hay and grain.

AND THIS IS WHAT THEY LOOKED LIKE A YEAR AGO...

Grazing on our land 2010

Pictures of neighbor's horses August of 2010. Ribs showing
This beautiful girl is Lucy Lu. These pictures are taken a little over a year ago. We were concerned enough then to ask our neighbors to let their horses come to our land and eat.

2010

This is another horse also named Hershey about a year or so ago. This gentle fellow is the one that died. This beautiful guy died about two weeks ago from neglect I suspect. He was helpless and stuck in a small paddock with four other horses. No hay, not much grain, sometimes no water. This is too hard to watch on a day to day basis.

I called the Sheriff to report the owner of these four horses. I tell them the full story about their case. How a Pitt bull and another dog got in and chewed at these horse's legs and how his legs got infected. How this horse died. How no one called a vet or even could afford a vet much less the hay and grain to feel these magnificent creatures. My neighbor's uncle took the dead horse off. Where I do not know.

This is not the first time someone has called to report on these horses. Nothing was done last summer about their situation. My neighbor is having a hard time since her husband left her. I think she is overwhelmed with all of the horses. Still that is not an excuse to let a horse die.

I wait and wait to hear from the sheriff. No call from them. One of my neighbors takes hay and water to these poor horses. Two days later, I call the sheriff again. The report I get is not too good. One of the horses, Charley, is in really poor shape. His rear end shows bone and muscle loss. His withers is bone and no muscle. I fear he will be the next one to die. The older appaloosa is just OK and the painted horse, Lucy Lu, is in OK shape. I can't stand to see this happening. It makes me so sick and very angry at the same time.

My cat and dog don't work together

2011-10-02T06:18:00.000-05:00

Last of ther huming birds

Morning sky

He knows he is in trouble

After supper, we were watching TV. We heard Hot Dog barking and not in a good way. More like the sound of a wild animal defending its kill. I am eyeing the cats, two are not in the same room. Then I see Bruno in front of the kitchen cabinet. I covered the left over roast with a bowl to avert Bruno from being tempted to taste it. What I didn't count on was Bruno turning over the bowl. He must have jumped down with the little bit of roast left. I'm guessing what happened next. Hot Dog must have grabbed the left over roast and when Bruno tried to get it then Hot Dog growled/barked. It was a small skirmish, but no one was hurt.

No more scraps for either one of those two. We are bad about giving left overs to them. I cut the roast up into smaller pieces and I will give it to them maybe tomorrow. Maybe not.

I'm just glad he didn't bite my hand when I went to pick up the roast. I didn't want to give him any reason to bite. He has been testy lately with all of the cats. I'm not sure what is going on with him. He seems to be growling more than ever even at me. Grouchy old dog. You would think they would work together for both of their sakes. Looks like my two critters aren't that agreeable to working together.

It's all in the planning

2011-09-25T18:09:00.000-05:00

I have said that I have forgot how to cook in recent weeks and Hubs agreed with me.

Last night I was telling him that we ought to hire someone to cook for us when we get older. He said " We will have someone to cook for us...in the nursing home!" I don't think so, honey. I'm not going to any nursing home for a long, long time.

I had to laugh.

Sniff, sniff, achooouu...

2011-09-22T11:06:00.003-05:00

When I feel good, everything goes great; however, when I am sick, well things just fall apart. Does anyone know why this happens and does this happen to you? Most times I can suck it up and being sick doesn't bother me. The last week I have had what I thought was a horrible allergy thing in my head. You know the sneezing, stuffy nose, watery eyes and general achy feeling. It is becoming a head cold now.

Not being one to rush off to the doctor, I wait and wait to see if I can heal on my own. I usually give myself three days to get sick, three days to have it and three days to get over it. It has always worked for me in the past. So, I should start feeling better by Saturday. I hope so anyway.

Everything just sorta falls apart when I am not feeling my best. I don't feel like eating because nothing taste good, so I eat the wrong foods. House work falls to the way side, washing clothes, and any and all cleaning. Everything comes to a screeching halt. Why is it that getting older has to be so hard sometimes. Nothing heals as as fast as it used to.

I worked sick on Friday, Saturday and Sunday. It is homecoming time in east Texas. It is funny that I can work sick, but not exercise sick. I finally took Monday off from work. Missed two days of exercise. My brain is in a fog and I can barely think straight. Add to that not sleeping and you get a cranky sick woman. Argh!

I went back to exercise yesterday, I will be off work till next Tuesday and I have exercise again tomorrow. Why does it hurt so much when you start back to exercise? Did I give myself enough time to be sick? I think so. I hope so. I cooked an eye of round roast last night with rice and green beans. That was the best meal in a while that I have cooked. My appetite is a little better though I can't taste or smell anything.

For me, nothing is worse than being just a little sick. Just sick enough to feel yucky, but not sick enough to go to bed. And why is it that after I have been sick, I feel all hot and sweaty even after just standing and working? I can't stand that feeling. Do any of you get like that after being sick?

I hope none of you are suffering with allergies or a cold. I'm upping my doses of vitamin C and taking my vitamins. I'll talk with you later.

Honey, I need your help?

2011-09-11T12:03:00.002-05:00

I have been thinking a while about my house. Things aren't the way I want it to be arranged. I know it is a pain in the neck to have to be so precise about my furniture and how it works together. Why is it that it takes me so long to arrange it how I really like it and how it works the best for each room? Every thing was made for my former home. It took me a while to decorate it after the remodel, but it was perfect. I think it takes a while to get the feel of a new place before it all feels just right.

I need an extra storage room and it would be great if we (I mean my Hubs) would take down the trundle bed and move it to our computer room. We gave my niece and nephew our elliptical and treadmill and kept the Total Gym. The fourth bedroom is where we decided to put the littler box and the things that never get used. I will work on that room later, but for now, I am happy with the change. In my former house, we had built the perfect place for the litter box in the wash room. The cats are too afraid to go outside here. The old home had a screened porch for the cats with a little door for them to go outside. We need something like that here. Just not sure where to put it or if I want it.

I went to exercise on Friday and then to work to do the days orders and then it was time to work on a wedding. The bride wanted something different and fun. My former boss, Courtney, took the order months ago. She was moving to her apartment that day, so the wedding became my job. I had a time with the bouquet because none of the colors matched. I think the wholesaler man is color blind. He missed the mark. I finally got it all together, though, it is not my taste. I hope the bride liked it. Last minute changes make me crazy. Part of the flowers were silk and the rest was fresh. I had to go and buy silk roses. Courtney planed on using something else. The bride wanted roses so she got them. I forgot to tell you that she wanted white feathers and crystals in her bouquet.

I used Star fighters, which are more burgundy than hot pink, dark pink mini Calla lilies, and suppose to have hot pink roses. The roses looked more peachy pink than the color I needed. Why do wholesalers not get it. I think the owner should call the wholesaler and tell him that he was way off on the colors. I did order the flowers, but is it my responsibility to complain? We have had nothing but bad flowers the last month. A problem with the roses not being good. It irks me to no end to get stuff that in no good. If I don't like it then will the customers? I don't think so.

Saturday, I woke up late and thought I was late for exercise and work. I thought it was Friday again. Argh...
I was so tired by the time I got home Friday that I don't want to relive that day again.

I made home made vegetable soup on Saturday. It is even better today. I also made chicken salad for lunch. My cooking has improved this weekend. I told my hubs that I think I have forgotten how to cook. You know what he said? "I think you have, too." Something about my taste buds is off and nothing taste right. It really makes cooking a challenge. I would love to have someone cook for us. I would not mind doing the dishes at all. We eat so differently now than when our sons lived at home. I no longer do large meals with two or three vegetables. I keep it simple. Just the basics. I think I am just tired of cooking and with the summer heat it was too hot to entertain the idea of cooking or grilling out.

Thankfully, the temps this week are so much cooler than previous months. I hope it doesn't get that hot again.

I decided to host Thanksgiving at our home again. Last year, hubs, told his sister that we didn't want to have it here. We host it because Hubs won't go to their homes. He hates to travel. It sure is a lot of work, but I usually enjoy it. You have no idea of the crazy things that my brother-n- law says to me. You're not going to believe this.

Every since he had open heart surgery a few years back, he has been so obnoxious. He's always spoke his mind. Last year, as everyone was leaving he came up to me and sang a stupid song to me about needing to find a map to locate all the rolls of fat. I kid you not, he thought that he was funny. Every year he gets worse. I cringe at the thought of what he will say next. One year he called my boobs grapefruits. Good lord this man is crazy. I never want to be in a corner with him. What is it about old age that he thinks he can say anything? I hope I am never like him. I have to laugh at him and his nonsense.

I love my SIL, but I feel sorry for her being married to such a man. I was so shocked that I could not say anything. I thought about it for a long time. He is an old man. I will give him that...he won't live forever. He didn't know that would hurt my feelings. So what's up with his behavior?

Our sons said that Thanksgiving is the only time they get to see all of their cousins and their families. After thinking hard on this, I decided to have it at our home. I will expect the unexpected remark from him, but this time I will have a reply ready for him.

Ya'll be blessed.

Please don't talk about the weather

2011-09-04T04:57:00.001-05:00

Remember the good old days where small talk revolved around talking about the weather? Or talking about fishing? There's not enough water in the lakes to fish. No rain in weeks and we are having a HEAT WAVE. Since this non ending heat spell has stayed over the central states, no one including myself even wants to talk about the weather anymore. Today's high is 108 degrees. It is grating on my nerves. Everywhere you go it is HOT. There is no place to go to escape it. Even the stores are hot. Argh!

What are you doing to stay cool?

I go to exercise three times a week and I can hardly breath when I finish. Add the heat...no one is happy. Our yard is dried up except for the areas in the front and back close to the house where Hubs waters. He get up at the crack of dawn, goes out and waters before he goes to work. Remember? He planted a lot of trees last Spring and he's doing his best to keep them alive.

Last week I worked at the flower shop. I looked forward to going to work. Guess what? It was hot there too. The day before my boss' mother and I traveled two hours to go to a silk wholesaler. And, YES, it was not air conditioned. Thought I was gonna die. I designed five new pieces for a beautiful old church in town. That took me about five hours.

I worked the next week as well. Processed flowers on Monday, designed arrangements for the cooler and did the days orders as well as the ones for tomorrow. You know it's a sad day when my mind co-operates and my body won't. I have been in some sort of flair. I hurt especially from all of the standing. Add in a lot of heat and I am not too happy. It has taken me most of the week to recover from standing. I only thought I was in good shape until I went to work. Argh! Again.

I have to say that I was able to do more than I thought I could do. I went to exercise, then had a little lunch, then off to work. I laid off today and gave myself a break because when I woke up this morning my arm hurt so bad that I could barely lift it. I'm laying low right now.

RAIN FINALLY...

While some of you have received too much rain and flooding waters from the recent hurricane, we have not received any. Right now Texas is about 17 inches below our annual rainfall. We beat the records for the number of days over a hundred degrees. In fact before this rain, we were at day 59 of temperatures over 100 degrees. It has been horrible.

While I sympathize with those in the flooded areas, I have to admit I am so very thankful for this rain. We have had forest fires all around us. It looks like this week our temps will be below or at 90 degrees. And that puts me in a much better mood.

I hope all of you are with standing the weather no matter what you may have to deal with right now.

I'm still here

2011-08-17T07:26:00.003-05:00

Hey friends...I'm still here. I have been working at the flower shop for the last three and a half weeks. They had an emergency of sorts. We have all pitched in to cover the absence of my young boss. She has been managing the shop for four years now. She is just 22 years old. Remember that old expression "All work and no play" ? She has burned out her candle. If you don't mind, please keep her in your thoughts and prayers.

And what about this HEAT? I'm so ready for some cooler weather. Everything has burned up. My darling, HUBS, is watering the tree saplings. He is the one with the green thumb. He said he might not make a garden next year because of the expense of water. I'm sure going to miss fresh vegetables.

I've been researching my side of the family. It has been interesting to find out more information about them. No one ever does research on the woman's side of the family. HUBS' family circle is ever so complete with roots far and deep. Since my father was adopted, I am not able to get any information. On my mother's side of the family, they were from Scotland and were shoe makers and dress makers. I've found some that served in the Civil War. No one famous yet. They say we are all related to the same seven people. Have any of you researched your family history?

I'm still exercising. I've been on a plateau for a while. Even though it's a struggle, I am just doing it. I know in time I will loose more weight again. I'm not going to worry about it for now. I've learned a lot of new things in therapy. Other than not sleeping, I would say things are pretty good right now.

I am so sick of hearing about the debt crisis. Remember about ten years ago, they said we should all pay off our debt. It looks like a lot of us took this advice. So why can't our government do the same thing. I try to steer clear of any political statements on my blog, but folks this is out of hand. I am so sick of big government and over-spending. And who are the ones that are affected the most? The old, the disabled, the children. OK. That was my rant. Enough said.

I hope to be blogging more in the fall. Everybody take care.

Doll clothes for my grand daughter

2011-07-23T17:19:00.003-05:00

Well...here she is. This little bear is sad because she has been hiding in the top of a closet for a long time. She is worn, but none the less loved, except all the kids grew up and she was left behind. This outfit is for my grand daughter's American Girl doll. It's been a real challenge for me to sew since I didn't have a doll to try the clothes on for fit. After finishing this outfit, I found this sad little bear and dressed her up in the new digs. I think I see her smiling. Awh...

I was afraid I wouldn't finish her in time for Ali's tenth birthday, so I've already sent her a card and a check. I will mail this next week. I hope she likes it.

I made her another shirt to go with the ensemble. After all a bear needs a change every now and then. See this little crochet turtle? It is similar to the one I had as a kid. You put a bar of soap in it and bath with it. I found this at a fair a while back. Then I forgot about it, found on one of my cleaning jags. Do any of you crochet these little cute turtles? I would like to have another one. Please let me know if you can help me out.

Well, that is about it for me. I was suppose to clean out our master bedroom closet. I've been clearing out and sorting stuff and organizing again. I'm glad I choose to have fun sewing, though it was hard at first 'cause my machine was still messed up. The underside stitching was a mess. I've fixed it now, but it sure gave me fits.

I hope you are surviving the heat. It's about to do me in. Hubs' garden has all but burned up. Today he plowed it all into the ground. Have a great weekend.

On Being Me...

2011-07-17T08:33:00.007-05:00

How do you forgive the brokenness of one's life? I'm relieving some difficult childhood memories right now. While I know God forgives me, why then do I not forgive myself? Part of me says "Let it go and another part of me says no one could forgive you. You are worthless." Old memories create a less than perfect self image. I carry on forward.

Self-hate is what I learned as a child. I'm not equipped to handle complements or any thing of that nature. It is reflective in my addiction for food. This last month I have gained weight at the thought of loosing my favorite addiction...food. I am looking for something to replace it with, but I've not found anything that comes close to satisfying my emotional needs that I get from food.

Food makes me feel safe, loved, full. Damn it. My head knows all of this, but it is hard to say good-bye to an old way of satiation. I am afraid to be thin. I know it's sick and I am working on a good solution to the problem. Right now...I am stopped by my own fear. I've hit a wall of sorts.

Through therapy,I remember the exact moment that I learned how to use food to block what I saw and heard as a kid. It is a moment I will never forget. From that moment, I replaced all the evil and mean that I saw in my life with my soul saving comfort food. I was blinded to everything else around me. Relieved to be (in my mind) taken away from the pain by food. You see some things a little girl should not have to witness .

I can't change any of that now. I'm trying to overcome these memories, accept them and use the tools I am learning in therapy to let go and start living my life. I never knew anything could be so hard. How long must I keep these secrets of the dead? And do I have to reveal these secrets in order to be healthy?

A stitch in time... sorta makes me crazy

2011-07-12T08:33:00.002-05:00

When I spoke to my sister the other night, I ask her if she could hear me screaming? "What? What are you talking about,Pam?" I said I've been trying to sew... She laughed.

Photos courtesy of Photobucket

I come from a long line of women that sew. When I was a little girl, my grand mother taught me how to sew on her treadle sewing machine. She could mend anything by hand. Gosh, I even learned how to darn socks. I have to laugh now as I think of how I once mended my husband's socks. Of course now, I would just buy new ones. How times have changed for the better. My mother sewed all of our clothes, my sister sewed and then there was me. I did not inherit their talent for sewing. I do very little to get by enough to say that I sew.

Grand mother's hand sewing/mending reminds me of weaving or something very similar. She would cut a piece of fabric from the seam or hem and patch the tear. You could not tell where it was. To this day, I prefer mending and patching to sewing. In my younger days, I sewed curtains, pillows and some kids clothes. I have not sewn in a long time. Only a button sewn on every now and then.

So it surprised me when I wanted to sew a doll outfit for my grand daughter.

My tools of the trade...
I've used this, too.

I've been here...

Used this, too.

You see, my version of sewing is to tape it, staple it or glue it. In the floral business, it is the fastest way to get a temporary solution to a problem. I ironed my fabric, pinned down the pattern, then cut the pattern out. I thought I better do some test sewing before I started to make sure the machine and I knew what we were doing. I forgot how to thread the machine, so I pulled out the directions and familiarized myself once again with the machine. An hour and a half I start to sew. After I practiced all the different stitches I had to adjust the tension and stitch lenght. Now I am so frustrated that I don't want to sew.

I continue on. I made a cute little pheasant shirt for Ali's doll. It is not a great piece of sewing, but I can say that I did it. After all of the preparations, I can honestly say that it cost less to buy the doll an outfit rather than sew. You know me...it's all about the memory I am making. Of course my darling cats had to help me sew and get in the way. Argh! I can't ever do anything without them.

Patience is a virtue...
I forgot to say this most important thing... If you really like something then do not give it up or stop doing it. It is hard to start all over again. Besides you might say a few choice words if you have to start over again. Did you hear me scream?

My wish for you as well

2011-07-10T09:55:00.000-05:00

"This is my wish for you: Comfort on difficult days, smiles when sadness intrudes... rainbows to follow the clouds, laughter to kiss your lips, sunsets to warm your heart, hugs when spirits sag, beauty for your eyes to see, friendships to brighten your being, faith so that you can believe, confidence for when you are in doubt, courage to know yourself, patience to accept the truth, love to complete your life."

- Anonymous

416 Colquit Street

2011-07-06T13:39:00.000-05:00

Yesterday, I met my sister, Candy, in Shreveport, La. for lunch on the river. We had a really good time talking. I have been on this genealogy kick as of late. So I ask her if she wanted to look for one of the places we lived in as children. That is Candy in the rear view mirror taking the picture. I'm just thinking I hope no one calls the cops because of us. We sort of stand out.

When our parents divorced, Candy stayed with Daddy and I went with Momma. This little duplex on Colquit St. was the fourth place I had lived in since I was three. We went from Daddy's house, to our grand mother's home, then to an apartment, then to this little duplex. Candy came to live with us in this duplex.

What you don't know is that by the time I graduated from high school, we moved 12 or 13 times from the time our mother and father divorced. Factor in several step-fathers and sugar daddy's, momma's boyfriends and you begin to understand what our childhood was like. While most of our childhood was filled with uncertainty, living here, we made some good memories.

I remember this street so well and this little duplex in which we lived in. Fifty-six years ago, I was five years old and it was a nice little neighborhood with the local elementary school at the end of the block and a Baptist church on the corner. While our mother worked, she had the good insight to hire a wonderful black woman named Ophelia to care for us. I have some safe and good memories of this little duplex because of Ophelia. She could barely get through the door and she was an older woman with a limp. That made no difference to me because I loved her dearly.

Ophelia had such a grand sense of humor. She would play along with us and pretend. Once we dressed our mother's sewing mannequin as if she were our mother. We even made a face and put on a hat. Then Ophelia would say "I see Miss Mary Lou has come in for lunch". She was delightful. I always wanted to go home with her when momma took her home.

Many a night Ophelia would spend the night with us when our mother was out partying. She would sleep on the couch by the front door. I felt safe knowing she was with us. And she was the best cook ever. Good country food. I loved her mac 'n cheese. She taught me a lot about life and my faith. Even though she had her own family to care for she always was there for us.

Once I got stuck in a tree. I remember her saying "Child, just let go and fall on my back". I was afraid that I would hurt her, but that is exactly what I did. She helped us chase our parakeet when he got out of his cage. We often lined up the dining room chairs like a train car and would pretend we were on a trip. We got into so much trouble, but Ophelia never got mad or upset. She had so much patience with us. She called us "Her girls".

She went with us to several houses that we lived in. I'm glad that I had her in my life. I think I may feel brave enough to go to all of the places that we lived in except for the one when we moved to Dallas and the one when we moved to Houston. I forgot about Houston. My journey continues. I have to tell you that we got some strange looks in the old neighborhood from the current neighbors. It is so run down now and looks different than when we lived there. The memory is crystal clear just like it was yesterday.

Happy Fourth of July!

2011-07-04T00:15:00.000-05:00

I hope you are having a great Fourth of July. Leave me a comment and tell me how you are celebrating.

Blog for Peace

2011-07-03T18:53:00.002-05:00

It is time to be thinking about joining Mimi, our founder of the peace globe movement. If you are interested in creating a peace globe for peace please go to the link below. It is easy and fun to be a part of the peace globe movement.

Mimi is looking to reach out to new and former peace bloggers and would like to invite you to join her this November. Imagine a world filled with peace? What could we accomplish if we had World peace? As Mimi says "If words matters, then this is important". There are even worker bees that will gladly help you make your peace globe. In fact, a worker bee offered to help me with my peace globe. Travis, thank you again for helping me with my peace globe. I am looking for ideas again this year for my blog.

So don't be shy, don't be scared, don't be apathetic...just join us for World Peace. I'll see you this November.

http://mimiwrites.blogspot.com/

Good results

2011-06-29T08:00:00.000-05:00

I am enjoying myself this summer. During the week I stay busy on the road going to exercise three times a week. Since we live so remotely in the country, I also do my shopping on those days to avoid any more trips than necessary.

You can do a lot of thinking on the road. It takes me about forty minuets to get to my trainer in another town and another state away, but it is good for me to have this time to reflect on where I have been and where I am going.

There is good news. So far I am down about 31 pounds and getting stronger and more fit every day. This has been one of the best gifts I have ever given myself. I am so worth it. It took me a long time to realize that I had any value to myself much less to anyone else. After a year and three months of weekly therapy, I must say that I have met new goals and challenges that I never thought possible. I am starting to like what I see.

The best news of all is that my blood work has really reflected my hard work to get healthy. Cholesterol is down to 123 and my triglycerides are down to 190. My hemoglobin A1C is down as well. With the help of medicine, therapy and exercise I can see hope in my future.

I am eating healthier, cooking from scratch and reaping the rewards of it all. I am learning not to beat myself up when I slip or make a bad choice for a meal. My dietitian has helped me realize that I am only human. We all make mistakes. It's that all or nothing attitude that gets me into trouble. I've been working a while on that one.

Summer food and fruits are amazing. The cantaloupe is the best I have had in a long time. Fresh Cherries and fruit salads. Fresh veggies from the garden are a delightful treat. The heat has all but killed most of Hubs garden, he still gets peas, tomatoes and cucumbers. I made an old favorite of mine the other day. It's a seven layered salad. Lettuce, spinach, tomatoes, broccoli,mandarin oranges, strawberries, English peas, olives, then top it off with a layer of turkey meat and go light on the mayonnaise as the final layer. Garnish with cherry tomatoes and olives and bacon bits.

Summertime and the livin' is easy

2011-06-26T13:54:00.009-05:00

Nothing better than the summertime with a glass of lemonade or I should say Crystal light lemonade and taking the time to enjoy each day. Even if it is something as simple as shelling peas. This takes me back to memories of long ago with my grand mother and shelling peas. It is a lovely day to walk down memory lane. Of course I have some help today.

Why is it that cats think they know so much? Here Baby is wanting to help me shell purple hull peas from Hub's garden. If you read my blog then you know how involved my cats are in my daily activities. They seem to invite themselves to my day to day chores.

Nothing will stop this determined little cat. She is so curious.

This is what it is all about...the peas

She is taking her pick of the crop

You wonder why they are called purple hull peas?
A little stain on my fingers is worth it

I'm going to cook them for dinner along with some okra

Sorry Bruno...You're too late to help

This one will do nicely

She won't eat it, but she does like to play with it.

Pass the peas please

I hope you are enjoying your summer days. Making lots of good memories and livin' easy.

Nothing Gold Can Stay by Robert Frost

2011-06-15T09:01:00.000-05:00

The Queen's Meme #87 ~ The Crazy Medical Meme

2011-06-14T08:17:00.002-05:00

The Queen's Meme #87 ~ The Crazy Medical Meme
Welcome to The Queen's Meme
7 Royal Questions on Tuesday
(I'm prolific today. There are 9 questions.)

It's time for your annual check up! I always say "knowledge is power" when entering the stressful confines of a doctor's office. I take a pen and paper, armed with questions and a medical encyclopedia at my disposal. My doctor is not amused. Let's see how well you do on the medical exam I have prepared for you.

The Crazy Medical Meme

1. The smallest bone in the human body is about the size of a grain of rice. What is it?

I think it is in the ear...maybe the cochelea? If you want people to listen then this little bone should be larger.

2. How fast is a sneeze?
Faster than a humming bird's wings. In other words really fast!

3. What percentage of the human body is water?

Just a guess, but is it 82% ?

4. True or False: A human's thumb is as long as his or her nose.
Excuse me... My nose is not that big, but I do have a large thumb.

5. What should you do if you are bitten by a snake?
You mean besides cry?

6. It is a fact that humans get an entirely new skeleton every 12 years. What do we get every six years?
Very funny. I have not heard that before. I think we should get a completely new wardrobe. Or maybe it's a new lease on life?

7. Happiness is directly related to the size of your faith.

8. If there are 9,000 taste buds on your tongue, how many hairs are on your head right now?
Probably three times that amount, say 27,000 hairs unless you are balding. Sorry about that.

9. I believe that the size of the needle is directly related to the mood of the nurse. However, sometimes it's necessary to get shots. If you could be vaccinated against anything in the world, what would it be?
It would have to be a vacanation to stop hate and ignorance in the world.

An apple a day doesn't keep the doctor away

2011-06-12T10:52:00.006-05:00

I am having some trouble with my feet and hands right now. The pain is hurting me, and I have the don'ts. I want to sleep at this moment. I am very tired. Last week was the second week of training three times per week. I am exhausted. I was on the road all week long. So much for my blog vacation. It has been eleven days since my last post. I guess I will just blog when I feel like it.
I had to fast for some blood work for my doctor. Then go to exercise. I called my trainer and she said to get a protein shake and to meet me at the gym in thirty minutes. I downed the shake and felt a little better. After training, I felt tired, sleepy and week. I made it to the store, stopped to get gas and then home to sleep. That was on Friday and today is Sunday. I am not feeling any better. I did not go to church because I had to wash my hair and had nothing to wear. While I realize the part about nothing to wear is my responsibility, I should have washed my clothes and washed my hair. I just don't have the energy to do it.

Saturday, I ate everything in sight including raisin bread and cookies. Yes, I know that is not good for me. I don't know why the melt down at this moment caused this set back. Of course I have gained three pounds and I am disgusted with myself. The cycle continues.

I had decided to take a blog vacation for a while. I don't have much to say that I really want to write here. I am reading some blogs, but not many. It seems the better I get the less I want to blog. I do miss that connection with people though.

I spent three hours in the dentist chair on Thursday. I went to a new dentist because my current dentist scares me to death. New dentist is very through, hence the three hours. I have never had a dentist check my blood pressure before. It was high because of my fear of dentist. This was my last big hurdle to overcome. I talked about it in therapy. A dentist tortured me as a child. He pulled a permanent tooth twice and scared me to death. All of the years I have been going to a dentist, my former scary dentist found out that I still have that extra tooth. I am somewhat of an anomaly. Evidently not many people have seen this before. All had to come and see it. They didn't even know how to chart it. Much discussion was made about how to chart my extra tooth. I didn't even know what to think of this. All I know is that I was hungry and thirsty and had dry mouth. I kept telling them if they want me to stay in this chair then their best bet would be to work fast on me. No such luck. A small camera on a wand took more photos of my teeth. Thirty to be exact. Then the dentist came in and took more pictures. Technology at its finest.

They do a lot of talking and repeat that talking to the doctor. The hygienist spent a long time with me taking gobs of xrays of my mouth. A full round xray, then individual xrays of my teeth. Next was some probing of my gums and measuring pockets, then more probing to measure gum loss and a lot of other things that I have never had done. I have never had my mouth checked out for cancer. I had seen this on Dr.Oz the day before. What a shock to finally have a dentist check my mouth. Next week I return for a cleaning and the consult with the doctor and his recommendations. Of course he wants to do a lot of crowns because I have some cracked teeth and fillings. I am not sure if I can work up the courage to do all he wants to do. I hate the pain dentist cause me.

Well that is about it for now. I am going to make myself get busy and do some things around the house and take a shower. I am feeling discouraged right now. I think the dentist visit is what set me off with the eating. It is how I manage stress. I didn't do so well this time. I am not sure what has caused all of the pain. For now I will take note of it and discuss it with my RA doctor at my next appointment.

Vacation time

2011-06-01T14:03:00.005-05:00

Alright folks...I am taking a blog vacation. No, nothing is wrong, just need a break and need to not feel guilty about it or have you wondering why I'm not posting. I hope I don't loose any of my readers. I will be back sometime this summer or maybe later. I am just not sure about when I will return. I hope you enjoy your summer.

I have started working out with my trainer three days a week and I spend a lot of time on the road getting to the gym. This is too important to me right now to not fully commit myself to my whole body,mind and spirit.

I will try to read your blogs when time permits. I am sure going to miss y'all.
Thanks for understanding and letting me enjoy my summer. In the mean time, I am going to eat lots of summer vegetables from Hubs' garden and go see my kids in Alabama.
Hugs to you all.

Happy Memorial Day

2011-05-24T08:06:00.004-05:00

"Let every nation know, whether it wishes us well or ill, that we shall pay any price, bear any burden, meet any hardship, support any friend, oppose any foe to assure the survival and the success of liberty. -John F. Kennedy"

On being me

2011-05-17T14:34:00.003-05:00

Last week amongst the stress of my sister's life, and my mistake with my medicine, I realized that even though I have made a lot of progress in therapy, I still have a long way to go. It reminded me of how I revert to my old ways of coping. I just didn't see that one coming. Now aware, I will move on with this knowledge in effort to make better choices in the future.

Right now, I am riding high with a great attitude. Everything seems to have pulled together for the good of my life. I went to the dietitian and my results were impressive. I have now lost 25 pounds. My blood sugar is in check. I am feeling so good with very little pain and my well being is in a steady and peaceful state. I am eating well, exercising and making lots of progress in therapy. Amen is all I can say.

I have waited all my life to be a whole person. I know I have a ways to go, but from my perspective I am doing really good. It is like a magic formula. You have to have all of the parts working for the good of the main project (me). For years and years, I could not get it together. I would exercise, but always felt hungry. Never completely getting it right. Now that I have made this much progress, I am amazed at how hard it was and yet, once I learned the key facts, how easy it is.

Today, I am happy with my life. Why did it take so long to understand it all? I am hopeful and encouraged with my progress. I go to my family doctor in June and I pray that my numbers are as good. Cholesterol is down from 212 to 147 at the last visit. Blood sugar and triglycerides were still high at the last appointment. I know I can do this and I believe that my eating habits, taking medicines, and exercising will make all the difference. And I am finally sleeping. Yeah!

And lastly not to be overlooked, I thank all of you for your positive support and love. Of course I could not have done it without your support. Big hugs to all of you.

I am havin a heat wave

2011-05-13T15:19:00.004-05:00

I started a post and went to save it and it is lost. I don't know what is going on with Blogger today. Today the weather is picture perfect with tolerable highs, clear and sunny. Last week was unbearable with highs in the low nineties and horrible humidity. Those kind of days suck the life out of me.

Remember how much trouble I was having with Cymbalta? I talked with my pharmacist, Mr. Killion, about the medicine. He said it is a vaso-dialator and that it would make me hot. There was some discrepancy about the dosage and he called my RA doctor to get it straight. I told her what the doctor had said about the medicine. Take one 30 mg. for a week then take two or 60mg. after that. Then the nurse from the RA doctor called me. I didn't think much of any of this until later in the day.

I went back and check my note the doctor gave me. It was correct. I went off the medicine and the side effects went away. Dumb as it sounds, I went back on the medicine last week only to have an episode at exercise where I thought I was going to spontaneously combust. I was on fire and my face was beet red. It took me hours to cool off and recover.

I was prepared for exercise the next time. I froze a wash cloth and took some ice in a baggy to keep myself cool. That helped a lot, but I have to tell you the ice in my bra really did the trick. Frozen wash rag on the back of my neck. My trainer gave me more breaks and let me catch my breath.

I found out that the script was correct, but I did not read the directions on the medicine. Folks, I am so stupid. The medicine was for 6o mg. and I had doubled it taking 120mg. The RA doc was suppose to give me samples of the meds in 30 mg., but he didn't. I just assumed that the medicine was written for 30 mg. and preceded according to instructions. I have never done anything so stupid. No wonder I was hot as all get out. No wonder I was not sleeping. I usually read my scripts, but the one time I didn't almost made me loose it. Of course I called the doctor's office earlier. That is how I found out about the samples. The nurse said to take one today, which I did and I am fine.

So now the ugly truth is out about how stupid I am. I don't have a clue why I did this. Maybe all the pain made me loose it or maybe the stomach ache or maybe days without sleep made me not so alert. I hope none of you ever do anything like this. I just hope my poor liver is OK.

That is it for how stupid can you get today. Y'all have a great weekend. I know I am going to enjoy the last few days of this cold front before it passes.

An update on my sister

2011-05-10T16:28:00.002-05:00

Candy went to see her family doctor on Monday as well as starting back to therapy with a new therapist. They both have a plan for her. She is to stop all sugar, start eating three meals a day(sometimes she does not eat), make an appointment with a psychiatrist, start going to bed at 10:00, start exercising. She will also go to therapy twice a week and her family doctor started her on Cymbalta while titrating off of the Paxil.

That is a pretty big order for her to work on. She does sound hopeful. I told her to just take baby steps and that no one expects her to accomplish all of this at one time. Rather, this is a guide to her to improve her health. She also needs to stop smoking.

It is a huge relief to know that she wants to get better. Please keep her in your thoughts and prayers as she takes steps to get her life back.

Candy, my sister

2011-05-07T12:59:00.004-05:00

Candy came and stayed two days with us. I prayed that I would find a gentle way to bring up the subject. The first day she was not into talking about anything. She slept in late and when she was up she looked like a zombie. When she is like this it is hard to get her up as all she wants to do is sleep. I am pretty sure I know what is going on with her, but I need her to tell me. She went back to sleep in the late afternoon. I keep trying to get her up. This scares me to see her like this. It brings back a lot of memories from previous times she has been down and hospitalized.

On the afternoon of the second day, I started by asking her some more questions about herself. She is not one that shares much with others even me. As I kept asking her questions, she finally said "What are you my therapist?" I said "No, I am your sister and I love you very much." She told me the exact things she knew I wanted to hear. Point one, two and three, but with no commitment in her voice. She is smart in that she knows what people want her to say. So, I probe a little deeper. She finally tells me that she feels worthless. She is depressed again. She knows she needs help, but has a hard time asking for it. This started when her dobberman, Carmen, had to be put down because of the breast cancer. I was afraid it would affect her this way.

I ask her "What can I do to help you?" This is not the first time or even the second time I have helped her. In fact, I can't even count the times, but I have no choice, but to help her any way I can. She is hesitant to even ask and says she hated to ask because of all the times we have hepled. I told her I will always help her. It is not a problem for me. She tells me that she needs help with her garage sale (she has been trying to do this for a while now). I say I will help.

I ask her to make a list of what she needs. She verbally tells me what she needs. Two and a half years ago, I gave her DIL my stove, refrigerator for her aunt and uncle's house that flooded. I had a working dishwasher which was supposed to be for Candy. I firmly believe in 'pay it forward'. We agreed that they would install the dishwasher. Well, you guessed it, they have not done so. When I ask them about it , the DIL shrugs her shoulders with a blank look for the answer.

Candy bought their old car a year ago. She needs the title to get her own insurance. DIL has not followed through with the title. She needs her yard mowed no one helps her. Her son is the first to help his wife's family. They are healthy and ten years younger than Candy. I don't understand why they won't help her. They say they want to help her, but never follow through. I just don't get it. They are the new Christians and yet they don't help their mother? I thought charity starts in the home first.

I explain to Candy that she needs to tell them what she needs. We practice a few times. I play her son. She is too nice when she speaks. I tell her to look me in the eyes and tell me (her son) what she needs. Candy promises that she will make that list for her son.

Candy is going to see her family doctor on Monday to see if she can get of Cymbalta for her pain. She is also going to her therapist that afternoon. She has asked for a new therapist. Hopefully, she will start feeling better and will open up in therapy. She is in so much pain that it debilitates her. So depressed that she sleeps all the time. I think if she weren't in so much pain she would be able to get better.

Now back to the dishwasher, I ask her to go to Lowe's and find one. Doc and I will pay for it and have it installed. That is one problem solved. On to the next, the garage sale. I told her I would buy her dishwasher if she would call Goodwill and have them come and get all of her stuff. It would be worth it not to have to deal with all of her stuff. And with all of the stuff left, I told her to make her third bedroom into a storage place. Just somewhere she can put all of her things until she is able to go through them. That way, she could keep the rest of her house in order. I know we are a long way off before this will happen.

This is where we are at right now. We have a plan. I hope all goes according to the plan. Right now I will wait and see. Yesterday, her best friend, Candy and I met for lunch in Shreveport, La. Her friend knows what is going on with her. I know she will keep Candy accountable. We had a lovely lunch togther. We promised to have lunch again in June, when Candy goes to LSU for her well check.

That is about it right now. Please keep her in your prayers. I am not sure where this will take us, but I feel it is a good start for now. Thank you so much for listenting.

Happy Mother's Day to all of you.
Be blessed.
Pam

Happy Mother's Day

2011-05-07T01:00:00.000-05:00

Baby is helping me on the computer.

She has chewed one of the keys off of my lap top when I wasn't looking.

My youngest son, Hunter, came for a brief visit and brought me some of my favorite flowers.

Peonies

Peonies, my favorites. I wish you could smell them.

They are so intoxicating and exquisitely beautiful.

Thank you son for thinking of me.

Happy Mother's Day

My sister is coming to visit

2011-05-04T15:26:00.001-05:00

My sister, Candy, is coming to visit me. Keep us in your prayers. I will be back after she leaves.

My sister

2011-04-30T10:29:00.005-05:00

Over the years, one of my greatest concerns has been my sister, Candy. Some of you know that she struggles with depression and know that I went and got her and her cat a few years back. She lived with us in our travel trailer for over a year. Over time, she improved and got back to her old self. Feeling confident that she could make it on her own, we moved her belongings back to Louisiana.

She seemed to flourish at first, but gradually she reverted back to the way she was before I went and got her. She is a lovely woman, but is some what unique in how she lives her life. I have tried to understand her, but nothing has prepared me for how sick she really is. She is a hoarder. Her son and his family have tried to help her with no avail, so have I, but she goes back to that place where I guess she feels comfortable.

She left some of her stuff at my house and after a year, I decided to take it to her home yesterday. My husband and I loaded up my Toyota Tundra truck with all of her stuff. I stopped off at Ruston, La. to pick up our youngest son, Hunter, as he was going to help me unload all of her belongings.

Candy has been in bed for over three months. I know she is in pain. I understand that all too well. Her sleep hygiene is all messed up. I ask her to get up and go to lunch with us. All she could say was that she hurt too much and besides it would take her 1 1/2 hours to wash her hair and get ready. All I could say was "You have to be kidding me.?"

There is nothing I would not do or have not done for Candy. I love her very much. I can't understand how or why she chooses to live this way. It makes me sick to my stomach. I am out of ideas and don't know what else we can do for her. I repeatedly ask her "Are you OK?" She nods yes. This is not how normal people live is it?

Her home was in disarray and the smell was horrible. I could not stand the smell and stayed outside. This is the worst I have seen her home. I think she uses this to alienate herself from others. Her family can't visit her at her home. I know that is not the point, but she doesn't want to visit them. Her grand kids are her life.

She looked like the living dead. Her hair was twisted, dirty and looked like a bird's nest. Her poor cat is the same way. I don't know how to help her. Her DIL called me last night. They had stopped by to see Hunter at the fire station. He must have said something to them. I haven't been able to process all of this. I was going to wait a few days until I called them. They are aware of the situation. They are stumped as well. I don't have any ideas as to what we should do for her. Or even if we should try?

I guess what I am asking for is prayers for Candy. If you have any solutions please let me know. I am at a loss for answers. Should I even try to help her? or leave her alone?

RA

2011-04-28T19:07:00.006-05:00

If you remember when I went for my initial exam with my new RA doctor, he did not believe I had RA. He confirmed that I had Fibromyalgia. He put me on Neurotin for the pain. It did not help any and some how my pain was worse. Once again I had an upset stomach and felt awful. I went back to the doctor a month later for a check up only to hear the blood test results. The test results was reactive for RA. It has set me back a little to know I have it. He made a change in my medicine and put me on Cymbalta(the generic)for my pain.

Since starting this new medication, I am once again not been sleeping, my stomach is killing me, my feet are like ice and I sweat profusely. It does alleviate my pain, but I am wondering if the side effects will go away in time, or if they don't is it worth it to feel so bad. I am cranky from the lack of sleep. But I keep on doing all that I can to go forward.

I am not going to let any of this define me. I am trying to live as normal a life as I can, or should I say as I feel like it. There are days where I am no good to anyone. I am going to exercise and it helps me so much. Nothing taste good and I am nauseous. I am trying to embrace it. Thinking I may loose some weight. I keep telling myself that I will do anything to loose weight and to be pain free. I have lost weight and it is a good start to inspire me to go further.

My spirit is a little low and I do not feel well. Nor did I want to share this with you all. I sincerely appreciate all of your well wishes and support. Some times I feel bad for not having anything good to write about. Therefor I don't write. Sometimes I can't put a thought together and nothing makes much sense to me.

I am through with my complaining. Thank you for listening. I will keep you posted on my progress. Love you all.

I'm still here

2011-04-27T14:34:00.003-05:00

I've been a little under the weather. Still sick from medicines. I will be back when I feel better. I didnt want to to write about this.
I hope everyone is doing well.

Big hugs and lots of love.
Pam

An aha moment

2011-04-13T19:32:00.007-05:00

Today I made a huge break through in my therapy. It made me cry. Not much makes me cry, but today was the first time I cried in front of my therapist. What would make me cry?

It starts with my half sister, Sharon. Recently, she and I have reconnected. I really value her friendship. I want to protect that friendship as well. As a child, I did not get to have a loving family. There was no trust and I could never depend on my family. This is a basic need that every child should experience. I can not relate to having a father around. I don't even understand that sort of relationship. I see women who adore their dads and I am clueless as to what that must feel like. The life I knew was not like most families. I would not even know what a normal family was like. As far as I knew, our life was normal. That is really a joke when I think about it.

I didn't realize what I missed out on as a child. Yes, I knew things were different. Life was hard. Getting to know Sharon has been such a blessing. She is so kind and sweet to me. She doesn't have to be, but she is. I love her for that. I know she loves me, too. I want to protect that relationship. To safe guard it. It is precious to me. The thought of ever hurting her makes me sad.

Candy, my sister, remembers so much more about our life before our parents divorced. I have blocked out a lot of the pain. I guess it is a way to protect myself from the memories and from the ugly truth. What am I afraid of? I am afraid that my sister will tell her bad things about our dad to our half sister. I can't believe I would even suggest that she would do that, but I am afraid that she would. Sharon, our half sister feels great sorrow for what we went through. I can tell it bothers her. She is very compassionate.

We are more alike than my sister, Candy and I are. While Sharon says that Kenny, one of her brothers, is probably like Candy. They are both quite and retrospective while Sharon and I are eternal optimists and happy people. Sharon is very generous in spirit. She tells me that I am like our father. I like knowing that she can see some of the good traits in me that our father had.

What made my cry was the thought of Sharon ever being hurt. I don't want her to know anything bad about our father. She had him all of her life. It is bittersweet. She ask me did I ever wonder if momma and daddy had never divorced what our lives might have been like? Then she said she would not have been born if my parents had not divorced. It is bittersweet. I am thankful that she had a good childhood with two parents that loved her dearly. Something I will never understand what that feels like. It makes me really sad to have missed out on having a family.

Have you ever seen an orphaned kitty or puppy? The little kitten or puppy missed out on being fully loved, socialized and connected. I see that with this little kitten that we adopted. Her momma was trying to move the three little kittens as cats often do before their eyes are opened. My kitten was found in the shrubs and the other two kittens died. Her eyes were not even opened. A woman found this little kitten, she bottle fed it, loved it, but it was not the same as having her real momma. I see Baby, our little kitten, still trying to nurse on our comforter, she goes through the motions even when she is drinking water with her paws motioning on the floor like she is nursing. She is so pitiful. It pains me to see her like that. My other two cats have taken her under their wings. They have shown her things like how to play and catch things. She lacks in ways that most would not perceive or understand. I understand it all too well.

While others tried to love me I always felt incomplete. Seems like every time we got a new step dad that they didn't hang around very long. As a little child, there was no safety. No security...No one to trust. No one kept their promises. Disappointment one after the other is all I ever knew. It is hard to learn new things when you are guarded and expecting someone to hurt you, someone to leave you. Hardest of all was feeling like our father did not want us. Yep, this was all to normal for me and my sister.

Today, I realized...I don't even know if I can aptly describe it, but... Sharon loves me and does not have to love me. That is huge to have someone love me unconditionally. I never felt that before and it confused me at first...then it hit me. I am thankful for my half sister and I am so glad that she came into my life. I cherish her.

While I love my sister, Candy. Our past is sealed with sorrow, and pain. It is different having Sharon as a sister because she is well adjusted and was loved. It shows in her life. As for me...I am like that little kitten, I had to substitute different things in my life to survive. Be it food, self hate, low self esteem, and many other self defeating attitudes. I didn't have a family to nurture me, or to show me the way. Even through this break through, I am OK. I am better able to understand where some of my behaviors come from. I am not sure if any of this makes sense, but I hope you get it.

Cats and things

2011-04-13T07:53:00.000-05:00

What is it about cats that gives them such a sense of entitlement? Why do cats walk right over you when you are sleeping rather than going around you? This morning one of my cats, Bruno, starts walking all over me. He wants me to get up. Come on? It is too early for that. He is so persistent. He does not give up and yes, he is still walking on me. Some times he likes to sit on top of me. This happens every morning. He is my alarm cat. Cats will not be ignored. They definitely won't go away when you want them to. I love my cats and they bring a lot of joy and laughter to me. They are so stubborn when it comes to something they want. Oh, joy! Having cats is like having little kids again. No coffee first thing in the morning. Nope, they have to be fed. All of this meowing and crying for their canned food. You would think it was their last meal. The crying gets louder and louder as we approach the floor. They are telling me to hurry because they are starving? Good Grief! Alright, I have fed them. Now I have to let the dogs out for their business. Wait on the dogs then feed them. They are much more patient than cats. They appreciate the nice things I do for them. Not the cats. So I get my cup of coffee and head to the computer to read the news, and catch up on all my blogs. The cats follow me. One is in the chair next to me, one sits by the computer and another is on the table with me. I never lack for company. My cats follow me from room to room. I can't even go to the bathroom by myself. I feel like I have little kids again. What's the fascination with the toilet? I love how cats always look so cool even when they have a misstep. One of my cats adores the garden tub. She runs full speed and jumps on the edge of the tub. Sometimes she slips, but she always looks cool. They have such dignity. I guess if I live to be one-hundred years old, I might begin to understand cats. Oh how I wish they could really talk and tell me just what they are thinking. Wouldn't that be an interesting conversation?

Happy Birthday, Patrick

2011-04-11T00:01:00.002-05:00

This is my great nephew, Patrick. In this photo he was dressed up for Wild West days at school. Today he turns six years old. He is really special to me. I love him so much. Here he is in his room. He plays the drums and keyboard. He has been doing that for about three years or more. He is just incredibly smart and caring. He is very in tune with other people's feelings and never wants to leave anyone out. I really like this about my great-nephew. This is Patrick in his T ball uniform. He is a great little athlete. He can hit and throw the ball really good for a little kid. Another reason I love him.

But what makes him so special to me is that he was born on my birthday. We have a connection. He is turning six and I am turning sixty-one. It doesn't matter that I am fifty-five years older than him. He loves me just because and I think he is fantastic.

I am thankful that he has two wonderful parents and the cutest little sister ever. He has the best Granny (my sister). He also has the best Papaw and memaw, too. He is surrounded by love and his world is full of possibilities. I can't wait to see what he does in life.

Happy Sixth Birthday, Patrick.

Closets, and stuff

2011-04-09T20:30:00.005-05:00

I guess I have writer's block. Maybe blogs block is more appropriate. I have heard that to keep writing one has to write every day. I did when I first created my blog, but as the years go by I seem to have less and less to say. Does anyone ever have that happen to them? In an effort to get back to blogging I am going to write what ever comes to mind.

The last few days I have been busy sorting and de-cluttering the guest bedrooms. When our son and his family stopped by en route to Alabama, I had all of my Christmas decorations still out because I was going to give them to our youngest son as well as the oldest. I couldn't stand the mess any longer, so I emptied the third bedroom closet and once again moved all of the decorations to that closet. This makes at least three maybe four times that I have moved that stuff since we moved here two years ago. I am tired of it all.

What I did was to move a stainless steel shelf into the closet that once had the Christmas decorations. That was in the exercise/craft room. I wanted to organize my scrap booking and card making supplies in a more useful way. So it is the only closet that looks good. Bedrooms three and four's closets are filled to the brim. No use even trying to use the closet for anything else especially not clothes. There is simply no room.

I loaded the folding chairs, old tax preparations from previous years, fall decorations, and who knows what else is in there in the fourth bedroom. I still do not have the amount of storage that I had in my former home. There was a place for every thing. So it looks like I will have to sort out more stuff and find a new home for it all.

I have a couple of boxes of crocheted items that were my grand mother's and my mother's crochet as well. I have organized them by how much I adore them. My favorite ones I can't part with, but some of it I am ready to let go. Next time I get the boxes out, I will take pictures of it. Maybe some one will want it.

I can only take so much clutter especially without a place for it to be stored in. I know it sounds funny that clutter drives me insane. It does and that is how I have always been. Now my sister can't let go of anything. I do have some emotional attachments for things that belonged to my family. Of course I still have some of our kids stuff, but I have packed their boxes and it is time for them to take care of it. That is what I took out of the closets. Ha. Ha. Ha. Time to pass it on.

Well that is it for today. I hope you have a lovely Sunday. We have been working on the garden and yard. The weather is so beautiful. I planted some planters today, and worked on the deck.

What I have been up to

2011-04-05T08:16:00.002-05:00

I have messed up the html and can't figure out how to get my paragraphs back to normal. So for now I guess this is what I have to offer you...the longest paragraph. Any ideas will be greatly appreciated. I have tried going back into html several times. I guess you could say that I over came this fear. We got it last year, but I have been to scared to try it out. I like to mow and I figure it is a way that I can help Hubs right now. He is tractoring around and getting the garden prepared. I have not learned to drive the tractor either. You know why? You guessed it. I am too scared. I was pretty comfortable with the old riding mower. I am sure the more I drive it the better I will get a steering it. We have been buying fruit trees and spring flowers. Hubs planted two apple trees and a plum tree. He planted two pecan trees in February. He has planted two Camila's and a couple of azaleas. Today, we bought a mandarin orange tree. We are aiming to have enough fruit and nut trees to sustain us someday. I have been enjoying this beautiful weather. That is why I have not been posting very much lately. I am also cleaning up after our kids left. You know how that goes. Wash and lots of it. Sheets, blankets, towels and then a lot of cleaning. I forgot to mention that I had lunch with my half sister. We have just recently connected. I am enjoying getting to know her. She is so kind and very generous emotional to me with regards to my Daddy. Daddy abandoned my sister and me when I was nine years old. I did not have the heart to tell her of the things I knew about him. That doesn't matter to me because he passed a long time ago. I don't need to be hurtful. Sometimes the truth does hurt and telling it is not as important as becoming friends with her. My sister has not been able to meet us for lunch yet. I am hopeful that she will join us soon. Here are my latest note cards that I made for Melissa at Sugar filled emotions. Her blog is about diabetes, depression and the stuff of life. http://www.sugarfilledemotions.com/

I used my Crikut to make the script. Some days are just easier than others. I was glad I could use the machine. It is very tedious, triming the words and then gluing them down, but I like it.

Inside message

Inside of card

I have been up to a lot of nothing. Really... The last couple of days have been beautiful. Today, Hubs, taught me how to drive the new lawn mower. It is a zero radius turning riding mower. It's not at all like our former mower. He had me practice driving it for a bit and then he said it was time to mow. Yowza... this thing sure goes fast. It was hard to use the handles instead of foot brakes. I am sort of a klutz.

That is about it for now. I hope you have great day. More later.

What I have been doing

2011-04-02T20:16:00.000-05:00

On the road again

2011-03-27T09:25:00.013-05:00

Our son and his family leave today. It has been a lot of fun seeing them, especially the grand kids. While their parents stayed busy cleaning the travel trailer, the kids and I had fun just doing nothing. It has been a good visit.

They have worked so hard on the trailer to get it in tip top shape. It has not been used in a while and it had become in pretty bad shape. He replaced the carpet, fixed the broken window pane, cleaned it and cleaned it some more. A little squirrel lived in it for a while. Acorns were every where.

Ali and their two dogs. Moose is the chocolate Lab and Daisy is the little dog. Ali bathed her dogs and one of my dogs, Hot Dog wasn't interested.

At first, it was an adjustment getting use to the noise level and getting use to how much my grand kids talk. Hubs and I lead a very simple and quite life. My grand kids love to talk. So you can imagine the level of chatter we encountered, but it was so worth it.

This is Ali below and she is such a sweet young lady. She is very kind and thoughtful and loves animals, but especially horses.

This is Bryan. He is so funny and a delight to be around. He is a very good young man. He is considerate of others, which I like a lot. He is petting Hot Dog and HD loves it.

This is our beautiful daughter in law, Cj. She is trying to do the dishes, but I keep bugging her with taking pictures of her. I love her because she is so passionate about her family, she is very hard working, she is a wonderful wife and mother.

Our youngest son came over to visit one afternoon and it was nice to have all of our family together. My sister never made it because she was still sick. After being around them, I feel so outdated. Our life has settled down to a nice pace while theirs is still at full speed. I am OK with feeling this way. Just something I noticed about ourselves. I don't miss that fast pace at all.

The grand kids did great at finding stuff to entertain themselves. They couldn't believe we had a PlayStation and some of their favorite games. That was nice for them to have it to play with. We rode on the Rhino a few times. I taught our grandson how to drive it. He was elated to learn as he is fifeteen and will soon be getting his driver's license. He met my neighbor's son and they rode in our trails, fed their horses and played football.

I bought Ali some new ear rings and a couple of outfits for her American Girl doll. Ali wanted to learn how to sew. I taught her some hand stitches and promised her that we would learn more about sewing when she returns this summer. She liked the little bit of sewing she did and I look forward to teaching her how to sew.

Family time

2011-03-21T08:23:00.003-05:00

Our oldest son and his family are visiting with us. They are enroute to their next base in Montgomery, Alabama. They have been busy cleaning up the travel trailer and getting things road ready for the next leg of their journey.

I will be back after they leave and give a better update.

I have what?

2011-03-15T13:47:00.005-05:00

Life is really good right now. I am enjoying my trainer and exercising. The end results is so worth it. I always finish feeling great. Even when I am hurting it just shows me the power of exercise and endorphins. Please don't let the pain stop you from exercising.
I have been hesitant to write about my visit to the arthritis doctor. I had to ponder the diagnosis, in fact I am still working on it. The good news is that I don't have RA. Thank you Lord. I am so relieved to get that information. What I have has been going on for about twenty years or so. I have been to so many doctors about it and never found any solution. I have had physical therapy, taken muscle relaxants, acupuncture, chiropractic, massages, and even put horse liniment on my joints. I am telling you I have tried it all.

I stand corrected in that RA can go into remission. Seems mine has been healed. A great blessing from God. Every inch of my bones was x-rayed and five tubes of blood taken for tests, and a urine test. After telling him of my history, he did an exam on my body. Bending and twisting arms, legs, head, feet and hands and then he did something I have never experienced before...He hit some hot spots on my body that felt like a bolt of lightening. Pressure points is what he called them. Ouch! That hurt!

While I have given it some thought in the past, I never believed I had this syndrome until today. I have seen people with this and they are so incredible tired and depressed and in immense pain. Not me, I could talk myself out of that diagnosis, but somehow all the pieces fit together and made a lot of sense.

Other symptoms include memory loss and trouble concentrating, stomach problems, sleeping problems, depression, wide spread muscle pain, flu like symptoms, fatigue, mood changes, headaches, restless leg, numbness and swelling of the joints, changes in pain related to weather change, stress or physical activity. In the old days it was called Rheumatism. Today it is called Fibromyalgia.

I didn't believe it until all of the symptoms made a lot of sense. What causes it? The cause is unknown, but is thought to be due to abnormalities in the central nervous function, leading to an amplification of normal pain signal. It is as if the volume control is set too high in the nerves in your body so things that wouldn't cause pain in most people do cause pain in people with Fibromyalgia. It can present itself with other forms of Arthritis. The doctor said that I have Osteoarthritis.

A lot of problems arise when you don't sleep well. I never got into REM sleep ever until I was diagnosed with Sleep Apnea. In fact, I never got past stage one sleep and I quit breathing several hundred times a night. It's a wonder that my body could not heal. I felt like a walking Zombie all the time. Medication for this varies. I opted for something that diminishes the pain and will help me sleep. It should all make sense to me because I have always been a sensitive person. It was like I was in over load all the time an could not calm down. Thanks to therapy, exercise and medication I am feeling "normal" (what ever normal means) for the first time in a long time. And for that I am very grateful.

Last week flew by

2011-03-13T11:12:00.006-05:00

Last week flew by...

Hubs' endoscope went well. The doctor took some biopsies of the Barret's esophagus in his throat, but thought that all looked good. I am thankful, very thankful. Between exercise, therapy, doctor's appointments that doesn't leave much time for fun. I wondered how I would manage, but I did.

My blood work was not as good as I wanted it to be. Cholesterol is down from 211 to 157 and it looks like the medicine worked. The triglycerides were up and he prescribed four fish oil capsules a day to improve the numbers. My A1C for my blood sugar didn't go down either. I am eating too much fat in my diet. I reviewed my food journal to see where I went wrong. I am going to work even harder to get better results. Luckily, my doctor doesn't give up. He said we would double the medicine.

I had a UTI and the medicine for it made me sick. I had tiny red dots on my whole face from it. My ribs are still sore. I can't say that word right now because I get sick at hearing it. I don't care for all of this medicines so I think I will ease myself into the fish oil til my poor stomach gets better. I woke up in time for church, but was not able to go due to upset stomach. Antibiotics kill my stomach. At least I won't have the UTI anymore.

I ended my week up visiting my former town and spent the day with my best friend, Darlene. It was nice to catch up with her. We looked at pictures of her grand kids, saw her son, and ate a delicious meal at a new Italian Bistro in downtown. Darlene and I halved a salad and lasagna and a dessert.

The main reason for my trip was to turn out taxes into our accountant. I didn't have enough time to do all that I wanted to do. It was good to walk around our little down town area. It has been under the Main Street program and it looks amazing. I am sorry that this was not happening when I owned my flower shop. I will have to take my camera next time.

Monday, I go to another doctor for a third opinion on my arthritis. Tuesday, hubs has an endoscopy. The clean out is the worst part. If you have never had this done, please do not be afraid. It is a live saving test.

I am cleaning our home this week. Our oldest son and his family are moving from Colorado to Alabama. They will be here for a couple of days. I am really looking forward to their visit. Our youngest son came to visit yesterday. He is the fire fighter. Right now he has bronchitis from inhalation of smoke. He doesn't sound too good, but hopefully he will get better soon. He still has allergy season to contend with.

My sister, Candy, has been sick with stomach stuff. Please keep her in your prayers. She is coming over this week to see our sons and family. I really miss her. She has been home for about four months. I look forward to us going places together and having loads of fun.

I am working on my craft area and trying to get it all organized. It is hard to have to dig it all out from the closet. I am want all of it to have a space. Where to start? I made a sketch of how I sort of want things to look. Finding the right organizing tools is another task all by itself.

Hubs and I went to the gun shop yesterday. We ordered two hand guns. We went to Lowe's and bought some fruit trees and flowering shrubs. He is outside on the tractor working. It is so hard to start planting over again. Wondering if we will see the fruits of our labor. He is making his gardens in circles this year. I know...what? and why? His reasoning is that his sprinklers are up on a telescope tripod and his logic is that he will be able to water all of the garden with the sprinklers. Well, it sounds interesting.

Spring flowers

2011-03-09T00:01:00.000-06:00

This is my next project. I purchased these lovely plants last week for my deck. Life got in the way and I have not planted them yet. Then another freeze came and I brought them inside.
Purple delphinium, daffodils, geranium, feather grass on the back side and the little white plant is sweet alyssum. It is so fragrant. I love, love fresh flowers. It reminds me of my grandmother.

She had planted rows and rows of daffodils and Narcissus in her yard. I remember laying down between the rows as a girl thinking this was my little piece of heaven. I am a gardener because of her. Everything she touched grew from her love. I am not always so blessed with a green thumb, but I never tire of trying.

Thank you Grandmoma for loving plants and passing that love on to me. I miss you so much especially when I see a field full of daffodils.

Special card for Gail

2011-03-07T09:36:00.003-06:00

This is a card I made for my friend Gail.

Her sister loves sunflowers

and she wants to give this to her sister for Mother's Day.

This is the inside of the card.

I wasn't too sure if I could create this flower or not, but I cut out all of the leaves in two different colors and then highlighted with pens. I hope Gail likes it.

I really like the colors. Gail, I need your address.

I won't be around much this week as I have something to do everyday. Hubs is having some test run to see how his Barret's esophagus is doing. Keep him in your prayers.

All in a days work

2011-03-05T19:31:00.007-06:00

It was cold and rainey today. Instead of house work I took a break and made some note cards. Can you tell that I am waiting for Spring?I can't decide which ones are my favorites.

It's amazing what a little bit of ribbon can do.

I adore dragon flies
I made 27 cards yesterday and today.

If any of you want some cards let me know and I will be happy to send you some.
I also have some pink note cards that I made.

I have to buy some envelopes from Hobby Lobby.

I like this little daisy card a lot.

Here are some of the pink ones.

Anyone like pink?

If you would like any let me know and I will send them to you.

Here is my email if you want any cards.

Just email me your address.

tannehillp@yahoo.com

Have a wonderful weekend.

Facing my fear

2011-03-03T15:17:00.004-06:00

Overcoming my fears is something I never thought I could do. In the past, I have overcome my fear of flying. Check that off the list. I am not saying that I am a frequent flyer, but I have been able to get on that giant plane and fly by myself.

In therapy this week, we had a really good session. I think I really surprised her when I told her all the things I had done last week. The gun safety class was the biggest fear that I overcame last week end. My therapist and her husband shoot competition archery. One common denominator is we both like to watch Top Shot on TV. My shooting will be simply for fun and practice to improve my aim.

Another biggy for me is to eat out in a restaurant alone. I have a phobia about eating out by myself. Pretty soon you will know more than you care to know about me. Yikes...Out of the blue I wanted Mexican food. I went to a new place that I had not been and ate lunch by myself. The food was not very good so I didn't stay long. The important thing is that I did it.

Another accomplishment is I bought a new chest of drawers. In my former home, I had the most lovely closet system, then we moved and I had nothing to use. Hubs has his own dresser. I have been using a shelf in the closet for my things. I guess I am a slow learner since it has taken me two years to realize that is what I needed. Anyway...it felt great to get it all organized and in place. I like my closet better without all of the messy stuff.

I tend to let hubs do anything I don't know how to do on the computer. The other night I was determined to send my pictures from my computer to be developed. It took me forever to get them selected and loaded. I did that only to get confused at how to do pay pal. Seems we live so deep in the country that they could not recognize our address. I felt the pang of defeat and left it until the next day. This time I payed directly to the store and had to go pick them up. Next time I will figure out how to have them delivered to my home.

Along with that I scrap booked all 116 photos. I still have some finishing touches to do, but I completed my mission. Geeze...I am starting to call myself an over achiever. LOL! Not really. But all in all it felt good to be on a roll again.

On a good note, I committed to joining Anytime Fitness for two years. My home gym was just not making it for me. I also committed to two days of the week with my trainer. Writing that check was hard to do. I know I am committed now to getting healthy. I bought some new exercise shoes and clothes as well. It helps when your clothes fit right and not so baggy. Wednesday,I had a great session with my trainer, Kristen.

With all of the positives this last week and getting out of my comfort zone I had a set back with my food. I have been craving sweets and indulging in them. I do OK for three or four days and then it hits me...I want something sweet. Argh...The struggle is so overwhelming and I lost the battle. The hardest part for me is to not beat myself up. I am trying to change my whole outlook about food. Letting go of things that don't work and adding it new alternatives.

My therapist brought up an interesting fact. She said that when I get out of my comfort zone, I go back to my old way of comforting myself and that is with food. I hate that I can control so much of my life in many areas, except food. I am learning a new mantra from my dietitian. I did not become this way over night. It will take a while to learn to eat healthy. So I am going to stop beating my head up against the wall. I am focusing on one day at a time. I am afraid of personal success and I use food to undermine myself.

You know this whole thing has been a challenge for me. So much to take in and process. I hope you don't think I am selfish because all I write about is this. This is the first time in my life that I have concentrated on myself. And it feels awkward to say the least. But here I am sharing all of this with you. Thank you for listening to me. I found out that it is OK to be myself.

It is going to be hard to top this week. Next week I concentrate on getting the house clean as a whistle for when our son and his family come to visit on the 19TH. I still have plenty of phobias to over come. Like the dentist. Shudder... that creeps me out to have to go to this dentist so I am changing to a kinder more gentler one. I decided that I do have choices...

The Queen's Meme # 72~ Return To Sender

2011-02-28T14:46:00.003-06:00

Welcome to The Queen's Meme #72
I've been on a short hiatus due to illness but glad to be back! Now that I've returned, let's talk about returns. Why not? I'll bet you have a lot to say about that. I know I do!

1. When is the last time you returned a library book?

I returned a library book about five years ago. We don't have a library in the woods where we live. I google a lot of things and I use my Kindle for reading.

2. Is there anyone you'd like to see return to your life?

As in return from the dead?

3. Have you finished your income tax return?

No, I am still waiting on family tax info from Louisiana.

4. Do you ever return things to the store for refund, credit or exchange? Have you had a bad experience with customer service over this issue? Tell us your story.

I rarely exchange or return anything for me. I am a really good shopper. For Hubs it is a different story.

5. You would like to see your favorite movie named The Return of Meet Joe Black. I cry every time I watch this movie.

6. Is there something you're still waiting to be returned to you?

If I am still waiting on them to return something, then I doubt if I will get it back now.

7. You are in a canyon. On the other side stands your beloved. You stand and shout something to him/her making a large echo. What do you want to hear in return?

"I love you!"

8. If you could turn back and go in the reverse direction in your life, making things better for yourself and those you love, how would your journey begin?

I seriously doubt if I would want to turn back time. I like my life the way it is now.

Gun safety class

2011-02-26T16:16:00.006-06:00

Today was my first ever gun safety class. I admit I am scared to death of guns mainly because I never was around them as a child. Of course, my Hubs is lover and has all kinds of guns. From pistols to AR automatics. Needless to say he is prepared for the invasion, when the zombies attack. As our oldest son likes to say "When the zombies are eating your brains out you will wish you had more fire power".

Here are some pictures of hand guns that I shot today. I hope I have the right name with the right gun. It was overwhelming to say the least , but by the time I finished the class, I was not afraid of the loud noises. That is what frightens me the most.

22 automatic
22 pistol

Colt 45 1911

Ruger LCP

9 mm glock

I have never seen this many guns before in my life.

Really?

I always say that I could do more damage with a rolling pin.

Now I am not so sure.

And I shot this big boy last.

Awesome!

44 magnum

I learned so much about hand guns. Safety rules, types of hand guns,hand gun cartridge power charts, Guide lines for handgun accuracy, good grips versus bad grips,shooting errors,responsiblity for the bullet once it leaves my gun, loading the magazine, standing position, and loads more that I can't remember.

A good night's sleep

2011-02-22T08:49:00.003-06:00

It's amazing what a good night's sleep will do for you. I have had some trouble getting to sleep, but alas, I am sleeping. And I am thankful, very thankful indeed for sleep. I started using my ear plugs again because I am a light sleeper. Hubs sometimes snores even with his Bi-Pap machine. Cats meow in the middle of the night, my dogs bark at every little thing and then there is the light from the windows that inhibits my sleep, especially when it is a full moon.

Yes, I admit it, I am a light sleeper. Sort of a princess and the pea kind of girl. Everything needs to be just right for me to fall asleep. No noise, no light, a cool bedroom (temperature that is) soft sheets, just right pillow, prayers said and then off to a night of blissful sleep. The planets line up and the ocean's tide must all be aligned for a restful sleep. Not really, but sometimes it feels like that to me.

I am hopeful that my sleep deprivation will succumb to a restful night's somber sleep. Yesterday was the first time in weeks that I felt really good. Blood sugar in control really makes a difference. A good night's sleep makes an even bigger difference. I did something that I have been dreading to do for a while. I cleaned house. After forty years of cleaning our home, not to mention keeping our childhood home clean, I am just tired of cleaning. There are only so many ways I can make cleaning fun or pretend it is fun.

I do love the end results. Everything spic and span, rightfully in its place, order and a clean house makes me happy. I know I am strange like that, but what I arrive from it is a sense of peace and calmness. It is my way of keeping control of things. Ooh, that is a bad thing, but it is who I am.

I started in the kitchen clearing Hub's clutter off every counter top. He just loves to keep his things out of order. I have to prod him every now and then to pick up his stuff. As I clean, I remember why I like to clean. I am one of those persons that likes order not chaos. I think everything should have a place. I sometimes succeed and sometimes I don't, but that is what I strive for. I struggle why people don't put things back in its place. To each his own, but my own is created from order and cleanliness.

I swept, vacuumed, mop, dusted, folded clothes, cleaned the master bathroom, straightened up, put away, and even cooked supper and did all the dishes as well. My heart sings a happy song from this house work. I hope today will be as fruitful as yesterday. I made out my list of things to do. I am just going to take it one chore at a time to get the rest of the house in order. I know it sounds like my house is a total mess, it is not a huge mess, but in my mind I am not happy with it.

Our oldest son, his wife and family are moving to Montgomery, Alabama later in March. They will be here on or about the 19Th of March from Colorado Springs, Co. It is time for Spring cleaning before they come. Time to freshen up the guest bedrooms and finish organizing things left undone.

All I can say is thank you for listening to me drone on about my sleep problems. I really appreciate your comments, support, prayers and love. I do believe that is what keeps me going. Thank you for stopping by today. Have a wonderful day.

Random thoughts in the night

2011-02-19T02:40:00.003-06:00

Here it's 2:40 in the morning and I am not asleep yet. I got up and decided to re-arrange my cabinet that holds my everyday dishes. This cabinet is not good for a pretty display and after two years I felt like I could take this on. Of course I am too short to reach into the top cabinet and I have to retrive the step ladder. I like for things to be displayed in a beautiful way.

It is odd what I can find to do in the middle of the night. After arranging it some what to a better look, I went on to play solitaire a while, then on to reading email, other blogs and now to writing. Tick tock goes the clock. Nothing is worse than not sleeping. I know many of you don't sleep as well. I agonize with you.

I did take a melatonin because the new medicine has not taken effect yet. I think it may have to build up in my system. Thankfully, I am getting sleepy now.

All I need is some sleep.

2011-02-17T15:42:00.002-06:00

Some days it takes a lot of energy just to be me. With being sick with this head cold, working crazy at Valentines Day and not sleeping, I have been out of sorts with myself lately. I haven't slept since I stopped taking medicine for my RLS. It might not have helped that much with the RLS, but at least I did sleep some.

For the past three months I have functioned on very little sleep, maybe three to four hours of sleep. It has taken its toll on me because I find myself agitated and sleepy and well grumpy. I can't stand to be grumpy. No body likes to be around a grump.

Today at my doctor's visit, I told him about what was going on with me. During therapy, I also addressed this issue with my therapist. She said just tell him what you have told me today. So, today I decided to say something. I started with the nurse. She ask "How are you doing? and I said I've been a little blue and I don't know why?" The nurse proceeds to continue her check of my vitals and I tell her that I have never really slept because of my childhood. I use to wet the bed and would get beat with a belt. At seven, I had major surgery to correct a defective bladder neck, I still wet the bed and I still got beat.

I have told you this all before, first time I have told my new doctor. I was afraid he might give me some platitudes about rising early and going to sleep early, but no he didn't. I was astonished by his compassion. He said he could see it in my eyes. I teared up, he explained this vicious cycle to me. No sleep equals no rest, no healing of your body, no healing of your mind, equals more depression. Chronic insomnia equals bad things all around. I am so tired that I can barely keep my head up, but I learned something about my new doctor. He cares.

I ask him if my therapist had called him, he said "no". I was amazed that he picked up on this and I did not have to go into a lot of details about my life. I don't trust doctors, but this one assured me that there weren't many doctors he trusted either. I mention the RA and we talk. I tell him I try not to think about the pain because even after seeing two RA specialist, I am in denial about it.

He wants to test me again for the RA. I agree after listening to his talk about it. I really don't know if it is RA because one doctor said yes and treated me accordingly and the second doctor said I was in remission. My family doctor says that you never go into remission with RA. If it is not RA then it maybe a connective tissue problem. I let them take some of my blood. We'll see what they find out. At any rate, I am feeling more and more competent with my new doctor.

I always dread explaining myself to a new physician. Hoping that he won't think less of me. Why I care I don't even know. He knows my therapist and respects her highly. I hope that my numbers have gone down from the new meds I have been taking for the high triglycerides and cholesterol. I hope that my number is good for my diabetes. It scares me a bit to think that my body is not co-operating with my mind. In the mean time, my doctor has put me on a tried and true medicine. The side effects are sleep. I have been on this medicine years ago for depression, not for sleep. I know it works because I would fall asleep so fast. I am looking forward to some sweet dreams and lots of rest.

Believe it or not I am making some head way in therapy. I am my own worst enemy. I stop myself dead in my tracks when it involves success or achievement. Even compliments are hard to accept as I don't want any attention drawn to me. I want to remain invisible by choice. Can you see how blogging is really good for my soul. I share more with you guys than I do my own family. Of course about now, you are probably wishing I didn't share so much with all of you.

A time to live and a time to die

2011-02-13T10:03:00.005-06:00

What a week it has been. My DIL drove down last week in that horrible snow storm that covered the nation down to Louisiana. Her dad, who has been in a nursing home for a few years, had a heart attack, they revived him twice only to leave him brain dead. Why would they resuscitate him twice when he has a DNR on his charts. By the time Cj and her sister made it home to Louisiana, they had to make the decision to unplug their dad. I can't even imagine how difficult a decision this was for her.

A lot of her family members were giving her a lot of grief about that decision. She weighed out what the doctors said, listened to her three siblings, her uncle and aunt and made what was the best decision for their dad. Thankfully, he passed within ten minutes. Still it is dramatic to be the one in charge of such a fateful and final decision. She longs not to be the strong one, but I tell her there is a reason for her strength. Better her than one of her siblings? I think she knows I am right.

On Tuesday, I drive to Louisiana for her dad's funeral. My sister drives from her town and meets us there. The one thing I remember when our mother died was the kindness of people that came to her grave side services. No one really new our mother because she had just moved to my town from Florida. We did not run her obit in the paper before because of the time constraints. That weekend two young boys were killed in a car wreck. I had my flower shop and we worked on all of their funeral flowers all day.

My best friend did my mother's flowers and later that day I left to go and attend my mother's funeral and then drive to Louisiana for her graveside service. While there weren't many folks there the ones that came made a difference. I returned home just in time to deliver the flowers for the two boys services. There was no time to grieve. That is just how it was. I never took any time off. I was glad that I had work to distract my thoughts, but it was hard not to let my emotions run away with those sad thoughts.

I cried for a full year. Everyday...I went to sleep crying, woke up crying and cried a whole river of tears. I cried at work, I cried when I had to make deliveries to the same hospital that she died in, I cried on every holiday. I never knew loosing my mother would hurt so much. Nothing in life prepares you for this. Nothing at all.

My DIL and her sister stayed with us the last two days before heading back to Colorado. Even though I was still sick, I know she appreciated my attendance at the funeral as well as my sister's. I can never keep a gift so I gave her all of the gifts I had been collecting for her and our son. I think that cheered her up. We went to the flower shop where I work and we bought a few more gifts. They headed back to Colorado on Thursday and made it in record time. I know she was missing her family.

That has been my week so far. I am still coughing and hacking up all this stuff in my head. I worked Friday and will go in today to finish up Valentine's orders. Then work tomorrow. Did I tell you that I am not a fan of Valentine's Day? Thank goodness it just comes once a year. I call it torture your local florist day. LOL! I will survive, but I will be stiff and sore from all of the standing.

I wish you kindness and much love.
I can't believe I am going to say this, but...Happy Valentine's Day.

Snow day

2011-02-05T11:11:00.004-06:00

This is a shot of our snow taken three days later. It is not going anywhere anytime soon.

I have been sick with an awful head cold. I am just now starting to feel better so I took some pictures of Baby and the cats. She is so adorable and so much fun to watch. This is her new perch by my computer.

Cross eyed, but cute.

Did I tell you she has mad skills at Solitaire.

Stinky sleeping as usual and Baby watching me play Solitaire.

She tracks the cursor and loves to watch all the cards fall down when I win.

Doc holding her while she bites him. See the cat scratches on his hands? She thinks he is her toy

Bruno in the fore ground, Stinky sleeping and Baby. They are keeping me occupied while I am down with this cold.

She is the cutest little cat. My dogs still don't know what to think of her.

I hope you have a good weekend.

Award from Sandee

2011-02-02T09:36:00.002-06:00

From Sandee @ Comedy Plus. "I've never started an award before, but I found this wonderful graphic on IncrediMail and just thought of how true this rings right here on the Internet. We are all so different, but we visit each other almost everyday. We laugh, cry, hug and support each other through thick and thin. We are a great big family of great friends and I just want to say to all my regulars that I appreciate each and every one of you very much. That being said I am giving each of you this Best Friends award for being so very special to me. Everyone in my buddies, link exchange and my drops lists may have this award.

Sandee is the nicest person. You can go and read her funny blog at http://comedyplus.blogspot.com/

So if you like awards then do up a post, link to this blog post and pass the love along. Thank you to all the 'Best friends No matter what...' I have made over the years. Hugs."

I don't think I can add anymore to what Sandee has already added. So please accept this lovely award to all of my wonderful bloggy friends and freely pass it on.

RIP

2011-01-31T10:06:00.005-06:00

Carmen

2003-2010

Carmen

2003-2011

Out with the old and in with the new

2011-01-27T14:01:00.007-06:00

A few weeks back we had Hubs' cousin replace our old sliding patio doors with new French doors. This man is a master carpenter. I really enjoy seeing how he works so methodically.

Watching him take out the old door he is like a surgeon. He is so careful not to damage any of the old door. He nevers questions what to do next. (unlike the boss's boyfriend that we had before) The old doors are out and resting on the rails of the deck.

Hubs and I stand in awe of this man's talents.

He is such a professional in his work. Always with a smile on his face and a good sense of humor. You don't meet too many men that work as hard as he does. His wife also works hard. They both have full time jobs and work side jobs as well. I am in awe.

He loves his work and it shows. We will wait until he is availble from now on. He did this job on a Sunday afternoon. Just incredible. He is the one that built our deck.

His son is helping him. What a gift to pass on to your son?

Master carpenter.
There aren't many left out there.

The trim is the last thing he has to do.

The finished doors. Aren't they wonderful? They are E glass and that should help keep out the west sun in the summer time. Last summer the heat really did me in. I felt like a prisoner held hostage in my home. I had to keep the curtains closed in the afternoon because of the unbearable heat. It makes me very happy to have such a beautiful view. No curtains. I love it.
Definately worth the wait?

Reminds me of our original carpenter.

Balance

2011-01-22T11:06:00.023-06:00

Health

TIME

FAMILY

MONEY ROUTINE

CRAFTS

Weight
LIFE

WORK SCHEDULE
Faith
BODY IMAGE EXERCISE

DIET
Success

CHURCH

LOVE

Feelings

Food

EMOTIONS
Mind
SOUL

Positive ENERGY

SPIRIT

This year I want to learn how to balance my life in a good way so I can be more productive.
I yearn to be more expressive in my life.

More Creative.
More at peace.

My word for the year is balance. I want to have some balance in my life. No more of the twisting and juggling acts I do. I am tired of hanging on the edge in hopes that I will come to my center of gravity.
I am dizzy from this dance without purpose.
I want to savor each bite like my morning oatmeal, to enjoy each taste to the fullest. To taste the sun crystals, to detect the inner flavor of life. To simply be in the moment.

I am here and I am present.

Balance is new for me since you know that I am an all or nothing type of woman. As I enter this season of my life, I want to be healthy in so many areas of my life. Physically, mentally, emotionally fit for the rest of my time here on Earth.

The lack of balance brings so many different feelings to my less than ordinary life. Often it makes me feel insane and at the same time it quinches my thirst for my never ending creativity.

I wonder if will I loose some of that desire to be on the edge, of not complying to the rules of life. Can balance survive without manic moments?

I am not manic yet, though some times I feel like I am on the edge of insaniety. I fight to stay sane, to keep order in my life provides stability.

Yet I have to confess, it is a never ending challenge to keep myself on the path to order.

It does not take much for me to get side tracked and off the path.

What I desire is a balance between the two extremes. Why does daily rountine bore me yet I need it in order to survive?

Do any of you struggle with this?

bal·ance noun \ˈba-lən(t)s\
Definition of BALANCE
1: an instrument for weighing: as a : a beam that is supported freely in the center and has two pans of equal weight suspended from its ends b : a device that uses the elasticity of a spiral spring for measuring weight or force
2: a means of judging or deciding
3: a counterbalancing weight, force, or influence
4: an oscillating wheel operating with a hairspring to regulate the movement of a timepiece
5a : stability produced by even distribution of weight on each side of the vertical axis b : equipoise between contrasting, opposing, or interacting elements c : equality between the totals of the two sides of an account
6a : an aesthetically pleasing integration of elements b : the juxtaposition in writing of syntactically parallel constructions containing similar or contrasting ideas
7a : physical equilibrium b : the ability to retain one's balance
8a : weight or force of one side in excess of another b : something left over : remainder c : an amount in excess especially on the credit side of an account
9: mental and emotional steadiness
— bal·anced \-lən(t)st\ adjective
— in the balance or in balance
: with the fate or outcome about to be determined
— on balance
: with all things considered
See balance defined for English-language learners »
Examples of BALANCE
She had trouble keeping her balance as the boat rocked back and forth.
The skater suddenly lost his balance and fell.
Another skater bumped into him and knocked him off balance.
Gymnasts need flexibility and balance.
She has a good sense of balance.
To provide balance in her news story, she interviewed members of both political parties.
Temperature changes could upset the delicate balance of life in the forest.
To lose weight you need the proper balance of diet and exercise.
The food had a perfect balance of sweet and spicy flavors.
It's important to keep your life in balance.
Origin of BALANCE
Middle English, from Anglo-French, from Vulgar Latin *bilancia, from Late Latin bilanc-, bilanx having two scalepans, from Latin bi- + lanc-, lanx plate
First Known Use: 13th century
Related to BALANCE
Synonyms: counterpoise, equilibration, equilibrium, equipoise, poise, stasis

This year I think Pam should...

2011-01-22T11:00:00.002-06:00

OK, folks...I am giving you a chance to fill in the blanks for me. Are you ready? Here goes...

This year I think Pam should__________________________.

Please take as much space as you need. Please take as much time as you want. Just have fun with what you would like to see me accomplish during this year.

Then I will set my sights on achieving these goals or things you would like to see me do.

It will be fun to see how much I get done in the next year.

Are you ready for some hilarious fun? Go for it. Of course anything too out there I might have to say "I don't think so." Just leave your answer in my comment section. I can't wait to see what you will suggest.

Happy Thirty-ninth Anniversary

2011-01-17T10:18:00.003-06:00

To my darling husband. Thank you for always being here for me and loving me. I am so happy that we have made it so many years. Though some were hard and some years we had challenges, we always had one another to depend on for support and friendship. We may not always see eye to eye because you are a foot taller than me, but we have a love like no other. Seems like just yesterday that we met in Spanish class in college. What a life, and what an adventure we have had together, dear. Thank you for loving me.

2011-01-13T08:55:00.001-06:00

What a week I have had. I showed up a day early for my class on diabetes. I call it my trial run and I found out that I need at least an extra ten minutes to get there. So today, I showed up for the real class. I learned some really interesting facts in class today.

I don't have to be afraid of carbs. What? You mean I can eat the white foods? I can't believe it! I can eat rice, baked potato, some pasta and even bread. That is not the information I have been getting. Of course, I have to count all of the carbs, but if I want them I can have them. I already feel less deprived.

I count my carbs, proteins and fats. I admit that I am a little lost right now, but I am sure in time I will get the hang of it. It reminds me of Weight Watchers. I will have to study up on the values. I can tell that I probably eat too many carbs, too much fat and not enough protein. We learned about portion control and the correct amounts of food per serving.

Also, I have to test my blood sugar. I was not prepared for that because my doctor did not tell me I would be testing my blood sugar. It sure is a lot to keep up with right now and I am to write everything down. Ouch! my fingers hurt.

Getting Fit Is Harder Than It Looks

2011-01-06T16:21:00.004-06:00

I have been busy trying to get myself all organized. One of the most beneficial things I did this New Year was to hire a trainer for my work outs. I can hear the questions in your mind. No,no...she doesn't do the exercise. She makes me do the exercise. Today was my first time with Kristen. She is a very sweet young lady. She is all of twenty-one years young, and she likes a challenge. She loves to get old people that are couch potatoes and work them hard. Like I said she loves a challenge.

She put me through all the torture that she had and luckily I survived. I'm not sure I will be able to walk tomorrow. Actually, I enjoyed it a lot because it reminded me of what it felt like to be fit four years ago. Believe it or not I was very fit just a mere four years ago until my struggle with the RA began. Gradually I was able to do less and less exercise. Exercise is one of the best things for RA, but somehow I became very sore and hurt all the time. I stopped moving. I started falling and tripping. I became a clutz.

My plan is to work out with my trainer and on the other days work by myself. I think that will keep me accountable. I have to take charge of my exercise regime and I am the only one that can do that. I have had a bad case of the "don'ts". You know...I don't want to exercise, I don't want to do this or that, but at any rate I have had it bad. Now I am excited to think of the possibility of getting fit.

Along with exercise comes the life style change and better food choices. It seemed so daunting over the holidays. Even though I lost 16 pounds, I was far from where my eating should really be. Tonight we ate baked fish, sweet potatoes with cinnamon, broccoli and cauliflower. I see a lot of fish and chicken in my future. Eating will no longer be my friend. Healthy food lacks in taste and I don't know how I will get around my love of Mexican food. I am sure there has to be a healthy alternative.

I look forward to this journey of living to get healthy again. I say farewell to fast food of any sort. We rarely eat fast food because we live in such a remote area, but I managed to have it once every now and then. Last April, I gave up Dr.Pepper. This fall I gave up sugar. Yikes! I feel like I have given up the World. I am keeping a food journal and now it is time to get serious and give up the last of my favorites...Sweets! I adore cookies. So adios to any kind of cookies. Hello fruits and vegetables, my new best friends.

I will let you know how I am doing as time goes by. Until next time lots of hugs and love to you all.

Looking throught the eyes of a child

2011-01-01T09:55:00.006-06:00

This little doll s Gracie. She is a real sweetie.

I just returned from a road trip to my sister's home to visit her and her family. It was fast and furious with all things kids.

That is Sissy holding her grand daughter, Gracie. We celebrated Gracie's third birthday.

This is her son with his son, Patrick. He is five and full of life. He is very animated. He loves all things musical.

I am so thankful that my sissy has a wonderful family and that I get to enjoy them like they were my own. I love seeing the world through the eyes of a child. Nothing better than that. Wouldn't you agree?

Good bye 2010 and good riddance

2010-12-27T09:41:00.020-06:00

Looking back to last year in review it seems that I was busy, but was I busy with things I wanted to do? January, February were uneventful with no entries on my calender. NO ENTRIES? How could that be? I did not have a new calender or else I did not make any entries.

In February, I started back to therapy for my blues that hold me hostage during the Christmas holidays. For the last two years, I have not been able to shake these feelings. I don't like that I am a Grinch. I love the holidays, but I have to tell you that this year nearly choked the life out of me.
Why? I haven't a clue? I can't really pin it down, but I think it has to do with all the hype of the season.

BTW...I am still as confused as ever with this computer. I am beginning to not like some of the prompts it leaves me.

Why can't Christmas be like Easter? Now there is a holiday I can enjoy. No gifts, no large gatherings of family, just a beautiful holiday celebrating the Resurrection. Everything seemed to be a huge effort to do. My tree was never complete. I lost the tree topper angel, the lights went out on the tree, just to name a few of the mishaps this year. I finally just walked away from that stupid tree and gave up. I told myself that next year I am not going through all of this hassle. I can't believe I said that. Hmmmm....we'll see next Christmas. I hope and pray that I have an attitude adjustment by then.

In February, we had Valentine's Day. I barely survived because I was the only designer. I was in disbelief that my little boss did not have more help. We are already talking about my schedule for V.Day. The only endeavor in my life that I always thrive is in my work. I am a die hard work my self to death florist. It is all I have ever known with the exception of running a food pantry for the needy. I don't know how to do any less than my best. I wish I had balance in my life.

Balance, that is one area of my life that I have been trying to improve in. I am an all or nothing kind of woman. It makes me insane, I know it does and yet I continue to live my life like a woman out of control. Some of my finest moments are my worst moments.

March, I injured my knee while leaving work. I stepped down the stairs funny and immediately I was filled with pain. This turned out to be worse than I thought. The doctors wanted to do surgery, I did not want another surgery so I set out on a different route. I started going to a Chiropractor. It has taken months to get better, but at least I am finally there. I still aggravate it every now and then, but at least I avoided surgery. I am immobilised by this injury. I am home bound for three weeks. I have to tell you this is really depressing. Pain and immobility are not my best companions. This is the first time ever that I feel like my body has let me down and I am really worried if this will be permanent. My ramblings enable me. I start to believe that self talk. I am my worst enemy.

By April, I am walking with a cane. Off the crutches and hobbling along. I am still feeling down and out. Come May, I am better. I am looking forward to Spring and getting my patio plants in order. As you can see, my calender is full. I took off from work because I could not stand and design full time. I was ready for a break from work, but I also missed it immensely.

Then the Summer from Hades arrived. This killer humidity and heat. It sucked the life out of me. I am frazzled from it. Hubs grew an incredible garden full of luscious vegetables. Me. I stayed inside. I shelled lots of peas and the meals were really good. I was a recluse in hiding from this over bearing heat. So there went the Summer. Argh! I hate this heat. I know I am melodramatic! What can I say? See why I need therapy?

By now I am ready to move to the North Pole forever because of this stinking heat. I hate it.
Wait...I feel a little cooler weather? No, it is just Fall. No cooling yet. Our weather bounces around from the one hundreds to the sixties. That can sure make me a grumpy woman. Argh! I don't want to be this way, but I am so hot that I dream of loads of snow and cooler weather. This has been the hottest summer ever. Where is Fall?

Alright it is still warm, but not scorching hot like the summer. I have to prepare for Thanksgiving. My boss ask me to come back to work. I am glad, but reluctant. Back to work I go. I don't want to relive the holidays. You know they were bad.
Need I say more?

I found out that I am diabetic. That is not good news. I am so overwhelmed with all of these emotions. I am in denial for a while about it. I am angry with myself. I am not a very happy person. I guess you all know the rest of the story.

In the bad news dept. Carmen our beloved Dobie was diagnosed with breast cancer. That is the worst thing about the whole year. I want to thank you all for the love and support and prayers you have shown Carmen and our family.

On a good note, I did loose 16 pounds. It was a huge struggle. I have thousands of pounds to go or at least it feels like that. This year, I want to continue to get healthy. Be happy once again. Enjoy my life and not feel any guilt for not doing what others want me to do. I think to much. Why don't I just beat my head against the brick wall?

This is Baby, a little orphan cat that we adopted the week before Christmas. Yes, I know...I don't need another critter, but honestly...could you say NO? Of course she has incredible luck in her young life. She was found by my sister's friend. She was clinging to life in a shrub. She did not have her eyes open and the friend took her in and fed her by a dropper. She can't have any more animals because she is in an aptartment and besides the lady has a dog. This little baby has brought lots of laughter to us.

The newer kinder me is scary. The old me was not very tolerant of others. I was impatient and very opinionated, but I had a sense of humor. Or so I thought. I am at odds with the new me. I have learned to stop, think and listen before I speak. I usually just react. Now I am learning a new way to communicate with those I love. I am trying to be aware of others feelings instead of being a bull in a china cabinet. Oh, Lord help me. Nobody said it would be easy, but little did I know it would be such a challenge, too.

In closing, I am wishing all of you a Happy New year full of possibilties. Full of hope, full of life and full of love. I happily say good by to 2010 and welcome the new year 2011.

Bad news about Carmen

2010-12-22T21:09:00.004-06:00

I have some really bad news about Carmen, our Doberman. She has cancer. Oh my gosh! I don't know what my sister will do without her. I never dreamed that her biopsy would be so bad. She has Adenocarcinoma in her breast. The lady at the vet's office told me the news. She could not even pronounce it. The doctor will not remove the rest of the tumor because it would spread.

We will keep a check on it in two months. The lady said that it was a really bad tumor and fast growing.

I ask about treatment. They did not recommend anything. I am still in shock.

I am asking for prayers for Carmen. I know she is a dog, but she is not just any dog, she is our beloved pet and we love her so much. Some of you may not know that I found her on the road in the country. I stopped to give her some water and in she jumped into my truck. I remember my sister laughing so hard at that dog that day. Little did she know that she would wind up with her. Little did we know how much she would bring to our lives. That was almost two years ago.

It was love at first sight. You could tell that someone had abused her because she would not even look you in the eyes and she cowered when a man was near. Something about this wonderful dog spoke to my heart. She did have a collar on and I thought I would just take her home and call her owner. I came to find out that Carmen was from another state, Louisiana, and the vet did give me her owner's number, but it had been disconnected. We were able to get her age and name from the other vet.

I took the dog to the vet only to discover that she had heart worms. We had her treated. That is when I really came to love this big beautiful dog. Her spirit of love and never giving up. Her silliness, her intellect, her attitude. So it is in this spirit that I pray that Carmen will over come. She has over come so much so far and that is my prayer that she will over come this too.

Have any of you ever heard of this cancer? Please leave me a comment if you have any information to help her.

Look what I won in a give a way!

2010-12-19T18:58:00.007-06:00

My friend, Xmichra, had a drawing at her blog http://xmichra2.blogspot.com/

I was so excited to win this beautiful hand made necklace. It came all the way from Canada. She is most talented in her jewerly business and her blog is so great to read. If you have time, please go and visit her and tell her that I sent you.

She is the best. Thank you again, Xmichra for this lovely necklace. I will think of you everytime I wear it. I just wish that my photography skills were better so everyone could see how beautiful this necklace really is in person.

Here's the darling shop where I work

2010-12-16T08:45:00.013-06:00

Front parking and entry to porch.
The blue building is a manicure, pedicure and all things wonderful that go with a beauitifying salon.

My beautiful little boss. She is so much fun to work for. We think so much a like. She does an awesome job on managing this shop.

Fireplace and mantel in the front room.

This is the front room and it is where most of the home accessories are displayed.

The french door to the left side of the shop houses the hair dressers and tanning booths.

Home accessories at the front door of the shop.

This is the middle room where Courtney sells clothes, jewerly, designer bags, and other accessories. She puts all of this together. She has a great eye for details.

Antiques fill the shop and create a lovely warm atmosphere.

See why I love my job and this amazing little shop.

And the people I work with are just the best folks ever.

Looking from the middle room to the front door. This is the center of the shop.

My design station is to the right behind these plants. It is a wonderful little room in the center of the house. There is a big walk in cooler there. It steps down in to a wash room where the balloons and wrapping paper are located.

News about Carmen

2010-12-12T10:21:00.007-06:00

A few of you ask how Carmen was doing. I picked her up Saturday from the vet. I was happily surprised that she was doing as well as she was. She has one of those big collars on and it is somewhat hard for her to navigate through the doors. She acts and looks fine. The doctor removed half of the mammary tumor because there was not enough skin to stretch over and stitch.

We have to return in two months for another check up. The test results on the tumor will be back in about ten days. I guess we will go from there. Carmen was not spayed and I guess that the other surgery took precedence over it.

As I write this she is laying on the floor next to me asleep. At night she stays in the guest bedroom and sleeps like a queen on the king size bed. I took pictures of her and sent to my sister. She was relieved to see how well she was doing. I am thankful that she is taking her medicines because Sissy has trouble getting Carmen to keep the pill and swallow it. I covered the pill with a little peanut butter and she is looking for more.

I am thankful that she is doing so well. I am glad that nothing is oozing or bleeding because that would be gross. She gets to wear this lovely collar for ten days. I think she will be a champ at getting through the doors with this big collar on.

Another good note is that my granddaughter, Ali, phoned me this morning and she is feeling much better. Her big brother is sick now. I hope he won't be sick too long.

A day in the life

2010-12-10T18:21:00.005-06:00

This week has been a total blurr to me because of all of the things that Sissy and I had to get done. It felt like a marathon in that we left early in the morning and came home at dark each day. Whew! Let me catch my breath.

Our errands went from A to Z with as much as we could cram in each day. Doctor's appointments, blood work, refills on her medicines, then a little shopping, grabbing a bite of our favorite mexican food, meeting with an old friend for lunch,going for as many Chiropractor adjustments as possible,add in a little more shopping, get her hair cut and colored to taking all three of the dogs to the vet at one time for their Parvo booster,worm check and heart worm medicine.

Sister was a little sad because she had to leave her dobie, Carmen, to have surgery for a mammory tumor and get her spayed. One is related to the other in the fact that a female dog not spayed has too much estrogen and other hormones and it causes tumors to grow in her breast. I will pick Carmen up tomorrow. She has to go back for more surgery in a few weeks. I am not sure why, but I will find out tomorrow.

Sister had to return home to keep her grandson. I will keep her dog until she can travel and then I will take Carmen to sister and visit her kids and those cute little grand kids.

We have probably driven 400 miles in three days.I had planned on having a very low keyed day with no stress and that is what I did today.

Well that is about it for me this week. I hope you had a wonderful week. I have to call my little grand daughter because she is sick with Scarlette Fever.

My New Red Hair

2010-12-06T17:17:00.008-06:00

I have tried every which way I can think of to get a picture of my hair by myself. Geez, it is really hard to do when you have short arms. LOL! I took my camera to work today and ask my boss if she would take some pictures.

I don't know why my glasses are turning dark.

I took this one that is why it is so goofy. Oh, wait I am goofy.

Back of hair do

The Queen's Meme #63 ~ The Frivolous Christmas Meme

2010-12-05T22:39:00.010-06:00

The Queen's Meme #63 ~ The Frivolous Christmas Meme

Welcome to The Queen's Meme #63
Let's talk Christmas. I'm in a naughty and nice mood. Some are one-word answers, others need a little explanation. Feel free to elaborate when the blog spirit moves ya. And above all else...Have fun!

1. Amazon.com or the Mall? More like specialty shops
2. Bows or ribbons? Bows and lots of ribbons
3. Expensive or sale tags
That depends on what I am looking for.
4. Long list or short? It is pretty short this year.
5. Wrapped packages or gift bags
Wrapped

6. Eggnog or vodka

Eggnog with some bourbon if you please?
7. Have you finished your shopping?Of course I have finished.

8. A Christmas Carol or The Bible Story ? I like both

9. Are you Scrooge or Santa's Helper?
I like to be Santa's helper.

10. Did you ever catch Santa Claus in the act? You mean delivering the presents?

11. Tell me about your Christmas tree...gotta pic?

12. Christmas carols or Rock Station

I enjoy Christmas carols. Falala,lalala,lalala

13. Do you believe in Elves?
Of course I do believe in elves. How else would I get all the decorating done?

14. I am looking for Santa. Describe him for me.

Well, Santa is a very jolly fella with a belly full of jello and a big white beard and he wears a red suit.

15. Do you leave cookies out or bourbon? I leave bourbon so he can stay warm and some home made sugar cookies for the reindeer.

16. White lights or multi-colored White lights
17. Wreaths on the doors, windows, outside? Yep, all of the above.
18. Who are the 3 wisest wise men in your life? HUBS, and my two sons.
19. Is Christmas religious or commercial for you? Religious
20. Ever kiss under the mistletoe? Who hasn't?

21. Stars or angels on top of the tree- Angel

22. Who deserves to get a lump of coal for Christmas and why? He knows who he is.
23. Who is #7 in the 12 Days of Christmas song? Seven Lords a Leapin or maybe seven swans a swimming. I think I got into the eggnog?

24. Snail mail cards or e-cards? snail mail cards
25. What do you want for Christmas?
PEACE ON EARTH AND GOOD WILL TOWARDS MEN.

A day in my life

2010-12-04T22:38:00.010-06:00

I worked last week and made a lot of lovely gift baskets. I had a very nice day hanging out with everyone at work. My beautician is in the same wonderful old house, along with another beautician, as the place I work in. I went in and had my hair cut and colored with red highlights. I really wanted to go festive for the holidays.

I am getting bolder in my old age. In my thirties, I would not have had the courage to go so hot. However, once in high school between my junior and senior year, I decided to have my long brown hair bleached. That was a mess,I don't think I need to say anymore. LOL! Some of my pictures I am brunette and some blond. Argh...I was not thinking and I had it dyed back that summer.

This morning my boss's mother called me to tell me how beautiful the gift baskets were. She said she can always tell when I have been there because of all of the pretty stuff I make. Well, you know, I can't take a compliment. I didn't know what to say except that the man that custom ordered everything really pulled it all together. This man's wife is dying of cancer, and he is so precious in that he gives her the most wonderful and thoughtful gifts. Sometimes flowers, other times gifts of luxury for his wife. I am always touched by his love for her. I keep them in my prayers as well.

I am so excited because my sissy is coming to stay for about a week. She has been sick. I haven't seen her in over two months. First thing, she wants to do is eat Mexican food at Posado's. We usually just get one puffy taco a la Cart with guacamole. She gets the puffy sopapillo with honey for dessert. We will also do some Christmas shopping for her grand children and my great niece and nephew. Of course, we will have to go to Sam's and look for books and get pizza for lunch.

Her grand daughter/my great niece will be turning three this month. Her parents are having her party at a tree farm. I think that is a really great idea. They provide all the cake and goodies, and the kids get to ride on a hay ride type thing and pick out trees.

We will go to the chiropractor as many times as we can to get her back in shape. I think we will go and see the million lights on the court house in Marshall, TX. http://www.visitmarshalltexas.org/

That is about it for me. I am still trying to pull my home together for the holidays.
I keep you all in my thoughts and prayers.

Have a great week.

The Queen's Meme #62 ~ The Crazy Question Meme

2010-11-29T15:04:00.002-06:00

The Queen's Meme #62 ~ The Crazy Question Meme
Welcome to the Queen's Meme #62 ~
Sometimes silly. Sometimes serious.
It's called The Crazy Question Meme

I would be ever so appreciative if you could supply me with the answers to these questions. I've pondered them my whole life!! They represent some of the most important quandaries of the human condition! The burning and ridiculous questions are....

1. Why doesn't McDonald's sell hotdogs?
I guess because they can't make as good of a dog as what they have at the baseball park makes. I am glad they don't sell hot dogs because I for sure would stop eating them if they did.

2. How far east can you go before heading west?
When you arrive west from the east that's how far you can go.

3. What happens to the missing socks?
I know the answer to this one. The dryer eats the single sock up and you never see it again.
That is really true. Honest.

4. Does love = sex or does sex = love?
Oh, my what a question? I don't think sex equals love, but rather love equals love. Just saying.

5. How much wood did the woodchuck chuck?
I am sure he chucked a bunch of wood, maybe a cord or two.

6. Why do prison buses have emergency exits?
I think our schools are so broke that they have to share a bus with the prisons. It is all about safety you know. Those going to school today sit on the left, all prisoners to the right. Please?Besides some of these kids are headed straight to prison.

7. Do you believe that an alien ship stole question #7?
I don't think I am buying this excuse, Mimi.

The Official Thanksgiving Photo 2010

2010-11-26T13:41:00.003-06:00

Hubs and I survived the on slaught of the masses. We are a motely group. They came, the ate, they visited and in a instant...they left as soon as they came. Whew... I am glad that is over!

Hubs' sisters are in the green and blue shirts. Hubs wearing the red suspenders and I am next to SIL in the green shirt. Our youngest son, Hunter is standing behind SIL in the green shirt. They are a wide and diverse group of people. We have a couple of teachers in the group, some teach high school, some teach college, some are retired and some are old. Some are in college, some still in high school. A few of them have Phd.s and for sure they all know too much and won't hesitate to tell you. LOL! The oldest is seventy-five to the youngest that is three. Toss in the odd ball florist(me), one neices's husband is a city landscaper, and hubs who works in the oil field, and a fireman(Hunter) and all in all we are a pretty nice family.

Behind us is a huge hole in the wall from a TV cabinet that Hubs took out. The carpenter could not get it done before Thanksgiving. He is coming Monday. And thus ends the yearly family get together until next year.

The Queen's Meme #61 ~ The Silly Serious Thanksgiving Meme

2010-11-22T18:04:00.005-06:00

The Queen's Meme #61 ~ The Silly Serious Thanksgiving Meme
Welcome to The Queen's Meme #61 ~ The Silly Serious Thanksgiving Meme!

In Canada, it is celebrated on the second Monday in October. In the United States, the fourth Thursday in November. Thanksgiving is a time to give thanks for a bountiful harvest, loved ones near and far, the blessing of simply breathing everyday. Let's pause for a moment and think about what we're thankful for. My goal this year is to focus on the small things that I should be grateful for - even without a holiday looming. Having said that, this is serious and silly simultaneously!
Enjoy. Have seconds!

1. If you knew this would be the last Thanksgiving holiday with your family, what would you do differently?

I might be tempted to use the good china.

2. What is your favorite Thanksgiving dinner dish?

My favorite dish at Thanksgiving is with out a doubt the dressing. That is all I need, well the pumpkin pie also.

3. Why did John Smith fall in love with Pocahontas? Was it her beauty or her bravery?

I think it was her beauty and her brains.

4. Fill in the blank: Over the river and through the woods to grandma's blog we go.

5. What is a cornucopia?
A. A foot ailment B. Freud's hidden coping strategy C. a Enuch with a very large vocabulary D. third cousin of Onomatopoeia

Silly girl, where did you find th0se definitions? You know I am going to google this just to make sure?

6. Find a word that rhymes with Thanksgiving

Yanksliving... it's a new holiday if you didn't know that already?

7. Do you have any holiday traditions you'd like to share with us?

Nope, it is pretty much the same way as we have always done it. I clean and clean my home, Bake a turkey and a ham, set the table, make the tea, make the dressing, make a pie, make supper the night before for the early birds, then we wait for the family members to arrive with their food offering. We eat like we have never had a meal, visit furiously,pack up the left overs and just like a mad dash they are off. Poof! Whew! I am tired just thinking about all of those conversations, sounds like a bunch of chickens talking. Prakk, prakk, doodle do, and so forth.
Those are chicken sounds if you never have heard them before, the spelling may not be right, but I can make the sounds.
Happy Thanksgiving!!

2010 Giving Thanks Challenge

2010-11-22T05:36:00.000-06:00

Happy Thanksgiving

I am joining in Leah at South Breeze Farms in the 2010 Giving Thanks Challenge. Please check out her blog for more information and others that are participating. Thank you Leah for hosting this challenge for us again. http://southbreezefarm.blogspot.com/

Here are just a few of the things I am thankful for...

1. My husband and my family

2. My Church

3. Home

4. Health

5. Friends

6. Dogs and Cats

7. My blogger Friends

8. My part time job

9. My neighbors

10. Best friends

11. Our land

12. Food

13. Truck

14. The birds that sing

15. Fall

16. Legs to walk

17. Our Troops

18. The United States of America

19. Eyes to see

20. Compassion

21. Love

22. Family get togethers

23. Faith

24. Hope

25. Thanksgiving Day

26. My Bible

27. God

28. My sister

29. Life

30. Kindness

31. Peace

Happy Thanksgiving to all of you.

Syndrome X ?

2010-11-17T21:21:00.007-06:00

One of the things that has been on my mind is that I need to find a good doctor. I don't trust them with anything related to medicine or my own body. I have been seeing PA's for the last two years. The one I usually see had a breakdown of some sorts. So therefore my reason to look for a new doctor has become more urgent. As I told you before, I was going to get an appointment with the doctor my therapist uses. I went to my new doc for an initial appointment and blood work and some other tests last week. Little did I realize that for the past 15 years, I have been receiving bad medical advice. I guess I should have put two and two together, but I didn't think that was my job.

Today, I went back to my doctor for the results of my blood work and it was not good news. I have had a hard time digesting this information. I even thought about not posting it, but I need all the prayers I can get, all the good thoughts you can send, even your thought beams will be of help to me. Reike too for those of you that practice it.

My cholesterol and triglycerides are still high. How can that be when I have been dieting, exercising and doing all that I can to lower the numbers. Seems I have something called metabolic syndrome X. Syndrome what? Never heard of it before today.

Metabolic syndrome is not a disease but rather a group of diseases and when you have three or more of the markers out of the five, then it becomes this syndrome. In addition, I am now insulin intolerant. This felt like I had the wind knocked out of me. My doctor says that I am this way because of my family genetics. Thanks mia familia.

He put me on some medicine for the insulin resistance and medicine to reduce my other numbers. I am not going to even read about the side effects because I know I will get them just by the power of suggestion. I am also going to see a dietitian to help me with my food. I thought I had been doing a pretty good job of that because I have lost sixteen pounds. Maybe this is why it is so hard to loose the weight.

I have been taking fish oils which have helped some,but not enough. So today, I had to accept my results like an adult. Remember, I don't like doctors, and this doc was a fireman before he became a doctor. I have to Ttttrrr...uuu...sss...tttT... Trust him on this, there I said it. I have no other options to get healthy.

I am counting on my attitude to get me through this as well as my friends. I had a moment in the office when the reality struck me and my eyes leaked a little. Then I was thankful it was not something more serious. I can turn this around. Before the doctor came in I said "Lord, I am not in control, I can not do this by myself and Lord, I need you to handle this for me". See. I feel better already.

The first day of the medicines went fairly well. I am not going to read the adverse effects. Nope, I am just going on blind faith and taking the medicines. So here is to day two. I know I can do this, I really don't have a choice do I ?That is it for now. I hope you all have a great day. I am off to exercise.

The Queen's Meme celebrates #60 ~ The 60 Meme

2010-11-15T18:39:00.008-06:00

The Queen's Meme celebrates #60 ~ The 60 Meme
Welcome to the Queen's Meme #60!
Since we are having a meme birthday I thought I'd wax celebratory. Do you mind?
Let's walk in the footsteps of one Mark Twain, who said..."
"When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it happened or not."

So imagine you're 60 even if you're not and answer the questions.
Please.
There will be cake.
I promise.

1. When I'm 60 I hope to know more about love and less about hate.

2. At my 60th birthday party, I can only invite 3 people. They are.... my husband, my sister and myself.

3. "To me old age is always fifteen years older than I am" said Bernard Baruch.
What do you consider old age?

Old age is when you stop living and loving. Some of my best friends are fifteen years or more older than me, but they are not old. I even have a dear friend that is ninety and she is not old, she can still touch her toes.

4. Tom Stoppard was overheard saying, "Age is a high price to pay for maturity."
What does "maturity" mean to you at any age?

I hate to tell you, but I don't think age has anything to do with marurity. I have seen a lot of older folks and they didn't have a clue what maturity was about. I have also seen young kids more maturer than older folks. I think life and living brings maturity to oneself.

5. Joan Rivers said "Looking fifty is great… if you're sixty."
Do you worry about age lines and wrinkles?
How do you plan to preserve your wonderful selves?

I think I am just blessed to look pretty good for my age. I am not going to worry about age lines or wrinkles. Life is to be lived and enjoyed. It took me forever to learn how to be myself and I am not going to change a thing. I plan on smiling and laughing a lot.

6. Comment on this quote by Euripides
"If we could be twice young and twice old we could correct all our mistakes."

Maybe we are going to make mistakes and it will take forever to learn from those mistakes, but the main thing is that we learn. Like hindsight is 20/20.

7. Pablo Picasso said, "One starts to get young at the age of sixty and then it's too late."
What do you do now to stay young and enjoy your life?

A good attitude and exercise and lots of laughter.
Let's have some cake.

I told you there would be cake!

My favorite season of the year.

2010-11-15T09:49:00.007-06:00

Fall is my favorite season of the year, then Spring. But it is Fall that makes me feel full of life. The cooler weather invigorates me. It inspires me to start thinking about the holidays. The colors of the season are spectacular. It may seem like the end of all things with dying leaves and frost on the grass, but I linger on waiting and enjoying this special moment. I have always been good at waiting.

Maybe, it is the memories of my grandmother cooking and baking. She always began her homemade fruit cakes in fall. You had to wait until Christmas before it was ready. Her fruit cake was delicious. I know what you are thinking, I hear the jokes, but it really was good. Everyday she would saturate it with a little bit of whisky and wrap it back up in the cheese cloth. A little look into the tin, a little smell, a little joy waiting for until it was ready. Did I tell you that I am good at waiting?

I would awake on Thanksgiving morning to the wafting smell of the turkey and dressing cooking in the oven. It was cold in the house because she did not use any heat at night. I slept beneath stacks of home made quilts. She tucked you in at night and you couldn't move from the weight of the quilts. A memory I keep with me always, tucked away in my heart. Always there, ready to remember the wonderful woman that loved me. The wonderful grandparent that I loved so deeply. She was my rock, my foundation, my life. I felt secure with her. I felt safe with her. My grandfather had already passed on, so it was just my grandmother. She was innately strong with wisdom that came from years and years of experience. Not many women are made that way anymore. I hope I measure up in some small way.

Thirty-nine years ago and three days before Thanksgiving, my grand momma and I were watching TV. My sweet husband to be had left for basic camp in San Antonio. I was making an egg sandwich and was back and forth to the kitchen. My mother was an ER nurse and she was at work that night on the three to eleven shift. I remember talking with her about Doc. It was a pleasant night as we watched Hee Haw. One like many others that we had shared.

That night in an moment my life would change forever. I won't go into the details, but my grandmother died with me at home. She died instantly from an cerebral hemorrhage. My world changed forever. I had just completed a CPR course at college and could not do a thing to help her. It has taken me years to forgive myself for not being able to do anything. It was an impossible situation, I realize that I was not in control, but I can't tell you the anguish I felt that night.

Three days before Thanksgiving, momma had never cooked a Thanksgiving meal, but some how by the Grace of God, momma, my sister and I began to cook that meal. It would be unthinkable to not cook the turkey. Grand momma never wasted anything and by cooking it we would honor her. Bit by bit. My job was always to chop the celery, onions, and peppers into finely chopped pieces. That was something I was comfortable with, after all that was my job. That day was but a blur to me, but I remember the feelings, the emotions, and crying. Unstoppable tears. We had buried grand momma the day before Thanksgiving.

People came to the house with food, hugs and salutations and words of encouragement for us. They were kind and spoke of all the good deeds my grand momma had done. I was stunned is all I can say from her death. We always depended on grand momma for everything. She was the rock, the firm foundation, my life. The matriarch of the family.

So as the holiday draws near, I love to remember the woman who shaped me into the person I am today. For years, I was so sad and could barely get through the holiday, until, I had to cook my first turkey for Thanksgiving. I don't often let anyone see my true feelings especially of something that shook my world in such a catastrophic way. It is in the telling of this story that I began to heal. I wish I wasn't such an emotional person, but that is who I am and I can't change that.

Back to the turkey. After preparing the turkey and placing it in the oven, I began to make my dressing. The memories of her dressing I can instantly recall. The smell of it, the texture of it... I felt her presence with me that day. I felt her hand on my shoulder as I mixed the ingredients together. I felt safe once again. I will never forget that day and the feelings. It was heaven sent for just me. Thank you grand momma for loving me for me. You will never know how much that meant to me. Unconditional love. And by the way, the meal was perfect and that was the beginning of my learning how to cook Thanksgiving dinner.

Since 1971, when she died, I think of her often, but especially when I am making dressing. It brings me close to her. This year I am still making my dressing, but I ask my SIL to make her mother's dressing as well. We will enjoy our memories together.

The Happiness Project

2010-11-11T22:07:00.007-06:00

I follow this great blog about happiness. The author is Gretchen Rubin and I find so many great post there about happiness. To read more click on her site below.

http://www.happiness-project.com/happiness_project/

"10 Common Happiness Mistakes."

Every Wednesday is Tip Day -- or List Day, or Quiz Day.
This Wednesday: 10 common happiness mistakes.

1.To delay to do something important until you have some “free time,” because you may never have any free time

2.To retreat into isolation when you’re unhappy

3.To neglect to make a small change because you think a big change is necessary

4.To refuse to consider a big change because you assume you can only make a small change

5.To “treat” yourself to something you wouldn’t ordinarily permit yourself, because you’re feeling blue

6.To postpone something important until you’re feeling healthier, or thinner, or married, or whatever

7.To think that you can “make” someone else be happy

8.To imagine that what’s true for other people is true for you

9.To spend too much time, or not enough time, thinking about the past, present, or future

10.To ignore the truth about your own temperament, interests, and aptitudes

"I had an eleventh mistake, but my computer didn't save the document properly, and now I can't remember what else I'd added. Very annoying. What have I overlooked? Wait! I just thought of another. "To think about everything you don't have, instead of everything you do have." But that wasn't the one that I forgot... "

I can relate to #3 and #4. I thought her list was very interesting. I would have to think about my list. I hope you have time to visit her blog. She has written a book about Happiness.

Freedom Isn't Free - Veterans Day 2010

2010-11-11T09:50:00.000-06:00

Dona Nobis Pacem

2010-11-03T23:45:00.002-05:00

I always look past the outer shell of a person into their heart. It is just not an issue to me. It should not matter, if we are to love our neighbors as ourselves. Every year I write on the subject of LOVE. It starts with me and then I want to pass it on to you. The challenge is to love the people of this World and not discriminate against anyone. Tall order I know. I believe that we all have the same needs and wants. Love is a powerful tool especially when we are afraid to go out of our comfort zone and extend the hand of kindness. I also believe that we all feel pain and the hurt of discrimanation. I ask you to look past our differences and speak from your heart.

If we would stop thinking about ourselves and care more for others then the World would be a better place. Love is when you put someone Else's needs above your own. Once again, I challenge you to love unconditionally anyone that comes in your life.

Here is where it all began

2010-11-03T09:45:00.003-05:00

As the countdown nears this year for Blogblast for Peace, I just wanted to take this time to say thank you Mimi for your inspiration, dedication and your desire for Peace. Thank you to all of her wonderful worker bees. Tomorrow will be inspirational as the blue globes unfold across the blogsphere.

Here is Mimi's blog and I hope you will take a few minuetes to go and visit her blog. Love you Mimi.

http://mimiwrites.blogspot.com/